


A Question Of Chemistry

by camincya



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Dean Winchester Has a Sexuality Crisis, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mutual Pining, Past Castiel/Meg Masters, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-10-21 17:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camincya/pseuds/camincya
Summary: Dean has been in a new high school for three weeks. And Lisa is beautiful and brilliant, the perfect girlfriend.Then why can't he forget about this guy? Why can't he get him out of his mind?





	1. A new day at school

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I'm not a native English speaker, and I'm doing this for fun.  
> If you have any advice to give me, be free to leave a comment :)

   Dean arrived in town three weeks ago with his father and his brother. He was used to moving out, to be dragged from town to town, so when he came to this new town, nothing was worthy for him, nor of importance, because he knew that his father would quickly move them once again.

   His father is a mechanic. A mechanic who has been working for a few bosses, and has been often fired for his temperament, and let’s be honest, for his bad habits to drink too. So Dean already knew when he unpacked his bags that they would leave again soon. And “soon” could mean both a month or a year, the longer they lived in a town.

   And Dean wasn’t surprised anymore to find out that a lot of girls from his school were already having a crush on him. Some were cute, but he really noticed the beautiful and smart Lisa Braeden. She was his type, and he was her. The bad-boy-but-actually-sweet-in-private type. They dated only one week after they had met and kissed a few times in the broom closet at school, but he knew by experience not to go too far with her because he could leave out of town anytime. And he didn’t want to break her heart.

-“What did you buy?”, Dean can hear his dad’s husky voice.

    He drops his bags full of supplies on the table of the living room-kitchen and starts to take them out of the bags, giving great importance to the fact that his father gives him the green light to his food choices. Like every day, it will be up to him to cook, and tonight he has planned to make pasta carbonara to his brother who claims for days.

   While he unpacks what he bought at the store and tidies everything in the shelves of the small kitchen, he hears his father move because of the heavy footsteps, then he hears the music of an advertisement out more loudly from the television.

   Dean begins to boil the water in a saucepan, then quickly heads into one of the other two rooms in the apartment, the only room he has to share with his brother, the other one is the bathroom. Since they’ve been on the road, Dean and Sam had to share everything they had. So, when they had arrived in this new town, and like in all the others, they had both entered the room without asking questions. Well, not really. Dean had asked his usual question “Do you want to take the bed?” to his father, but as usual, for more than ten years, he replied in the negative, preferring the couch to the bed.

   Dean likes to think that his father is leaving him the bed, so he could sleep more comfortably, but a more pessimistic version makes him believe that his father would rather prefer his free access to television and to the door if he wanted to go to the nearest bar without being noticed to the comfort of a better bed than an old shabby sofa.

-“Sammy, dinner in ten minutes. Go take a shower now, we’ll not have time for that tomorrow morning.”

   Sam nods, but he’s still focused on his homework – mathematics if he can see good from where he is standing -, so Dean’s not sure Sam heard him. Cool. He will need to wake early to wake Sam up and tell him to take a shower. He sighs, catches his bag at the foot of his bed, and goes back to the kitchen. He brings the table closer to the hotplate, trying not to make a sound. Like that, he can focus on both cooking and doing his homework for tomorrow.

   He doesn’t have much to do. Mathematics, English, and chemistry. He doesn’t like this last one, never had good marks, never found any interest in it. He sure didn’t have the face of someone who was jerking off on molecules, atoms or electrons.  

   But it’s one of the only lessons he shared with Lisa, and this girl is smart. And popular. So as her boyfriend, he has to be smart too. Actually, it is more about him than about her.

   He doesn’t want to be retained as the new stupid bad boy who stayed in school only a few weeks before getting expelled. To be honest, he doesn’t even want this bad boy reputation. Sometimes, he just wants to be invisible. But no luck, Lisa caught his eye, and he didn’t succeed to prevent himself from going out with her.

   They had already gone to the cinema several times, to the restaurant too. She had even managed to convince him to go with her to buy a gift for her sister. And he also can’t help feeling disappointed not to have the time to go out with her a little more.

   She is smart and brilliant, but each time he’s near him, he has the feeling to be less. Less good. Less smart. Less beautiful. Less in his place above all.

   Mathematics exercises are easy to do. He is used to doing his father’s accounts, to count the price of ingredients while shopping to be sure not to go over the budget. Anyway, mathematics, whatever the exercise, he’s an expert.

   He has been the top of his class, well when he’s stayed long enough to aim for the title in his new classroom. And he had loved this recognition by his classmates for his intellect rather than for his indifferent and womanizer attitude. And right now, looking at how easy he’s doing his exercises, he’s quite regretting that Lisa doesn’t share this lesson with him. If she would have, he’s sure that she would have loved to see a smarter side of his personality, not just the muscles. But no, of course, she was with him only when he sucked: in English and chemistry. 

   English appears to be more complicated than he thoughts ‘cause he was supposed to read a book for today, but he didn’t have the time to read it yet. Or even to buy it. But he’s sure his brother would help him with it, or that he would find summaries on the internet.

   When he would find a computer or an – free – access to the internet, of course.

   And finding a summary of  _1984_  by George Orwell shouldn’t be hard to find. And there are only two questions to answer, and three days to answer them.

   He suddenly comes out of his thoughts because of the sound of boiling water, and so he rushes – in silence – to put pasta in it. Then he takes every ingredient he needs, casting a glance at pasta, at his father who is sleeping on the couch, and at his chemistry textbook so he can think about the exercises while slicing an onion.

   Twelfth grade is over in six months. There are only six months left of this and he would not have to think about it anymore.

-“Dad’s sleeping ?”, he can hear his brother say behind him.

-“Yes, don’t talk too loudly”, he answers as he turns to face his brother who nods. And Dean is happy to notice that his brother’s hair is wet, which mean he went to the shower. “Tell me you’ve read  _1984_. Needed to read it, but I don’t have the time.”

   But Sam shakes his head to say no. Great, so he would need to find a computer…

-“Go to the library”, Sam interrupts his thoughts. “They have internet, books, librarian, and silence.”

    He sighs once again. Sure, he could go, but he doesn’t have the time to stop and read. He barely has the time to do his homework… He has to take care of Sammy, the lunch, his works, and his mid-time job as a mechanic three evenings per week…

-“I know how to make pasta, you know? It’s not that complicated”, continues with a wink to his brother.

-"Okay, fine, you win. I’ll give it a try”, he replies as he turns over to check if the food is ready. As it’s not yet, he catches cutlery and plates and everything they’ll need to eat and gives them to his brother.

   They keep talking while doing so. Sam talks about his day at school, about this “beautiful girl” named Eileen according to his brother’s words, and the few friends he managed to get.

   And when food is finally done, Dean says to his brother:

-“Wake up dad, the food’s ready.”

   When Dean arrives at school the next day, all heads turn in his path. He father wishes him a good day, and Dean is happy to wish him the same, and then he goes out of the car. Dean is always proud when his father drives him to school because it’s a typical father and son relationship that Dean likes to share with his father, but also because he really likes how people are impressed by his father’s black Impala. The most beautiful car ever made.

   He doesn’t need to look at Lisa to know she is waiting for him at the same place for two weeks ago now. And he can feel everybody look at him as he walks towards his girlfriend.

   She always waits for him in front of the school, leaning against one of the pillars close to the stairs that lead to the front door, and then, when he reaches her, they come in together. Not that she likes to be seen, but she just likes walking with him, being with him.

   She can feel his strength, the lack of fear in his eyes when he walks. That’s this self-confidence which seduces her first. That, and then his pretty eyes.

When she walks with him, she feels like nothing can hurt her, just because he’s next to her. Since his arrival, since she saw him in front of the noticeboard in the hall, she immediately knew he was different. Fearless, but sensitive at the same time. They were dating for two weeks, and she could already tell that she does like him. She just couldn’t say if Dean’s feeling the same.

   They pass the door together, holding hands like a real old couple, and cross the hallway until they reach Lisa’s locker. While she opens it to grab her books, Dean leans against the others which are still closed, and he just looks at her doing so. And he can’t help thinking this little moment, this bubble between them is very intimate.

-“Dance is in one month”, she declares calmly, but not looking at him. “You haven’t asked me to go with you yet.”

    She gives up what she’s doing to get closer to Dean. Her hands touch his shirt to rise against his chest.

-“Does that mean you don’t care about it, or you don’t want to go there? ‘Cause if you don’t, we can do something funnier…”, she whispers in his ear, her voice full of desire and promises.

-“Maybe I’m not proposing ‘cause I don’t wanna break your heart when I’m gone.”

   She raises her eyes to heaven and gets closer to him.

-“I think I’m grown enough to make my own choice, Dean. So,” she pauses with an eloquent silence, and then ads, murmuring to his lips, “We’ll book a room out of town. I want us to be alone.”

   And she starts to kiss him. At first, slowly, and then as Dean’s hands go down to grip her hips, they deepen the kiss. Her lips taste like her lip balm, something peachy-like. It’s sweet and tasty. He can feel her breath on his skin and the touch of her hands around his neck. And it feels good he just wants to follow his heart and sink into the feeling.

   They’re still lost in the kiss when they’re suddenly interrupted by a brutal sound, the one of something striking, like a fist against metal. They stopped, still a little bit dazed by the desire and wild thoughts, in order to look at the stranger standing next to them, obviously waiting for something.

-“I didn’t want to cut off your little make-out session, but lessons start in five.

-Ah! Sure, Castiel, sorry. See you later babe.”

   She drops a final kiss on his lips, caressing one last time the hand which is still holding his, and she goes away. He looks at her while she’s leaving. The movement of her hair while she walks. Her light gait as her heels strike the floor in rhythm. When someone hawks next to him, he remembers the guy is still there. He looks at him, not remembering what he asked at the beginning. When he turns to face him, the guy is staring at him.  

   Blue eyes, black hair. He has already seen this guy but never dared he talks to him. He's beautiful, with his bed hair, his crooked smile, and his stunning eyes. Ok. Even if he's totally hetero, he, even as a boy, knows that this guy is awesome. Even if he would never dare to say that out loud.

-“I got it, she’s cute, you totally fell under Lisa’s spell, and now you’re so much in love with her that you can’t bear being away from her a single minute.” Dean could almost pinpoint the jealousy in his voice as he says it. “Can I access my locker now?!”

   He isn’t angry, but tired and bored. When Dean finally realizes the locker he is lean against to is his, he suddenly moves to free the access, but he doesn’t go away. Yet, he doesn’t know why.

-"You find her cute too?”, Dean asks, feeling a bit of jealousy.

   He’s only in town for three weeks, of course, she has a lot of admirers, and Dean can’t do anything about it, and in her past, she must have had a few – or a lot – of lovers. But he would have never guessed blue eyes would have been one of them.

   The guy is like an alien. As if he’s there, but not really. Physically, he's in the room, but mentally he is somewhere else. In fact, it’s the first time he can hear his voice because of his usual silence during lessons they share together.

-“Dude, it’s our first real conversation, and you want to know if I find  _your_  girlfriend to  _my_  taste?"

    The question is so stupid because of its reality that it forces Dean to look at the man.

-“Yeah… Maybe not”, Dean admits with a shy voice.

-“Thank you”, he replies, relieved.

   He closes his locker, still not looking at Dean, and starts to leave, but after making two steps in the right direction, he turns back to look at Dean and adds with a sarcastic smile:

-“See you later,  _babe_.”

   And it shouldn’t, but this goodbye makes him feel more than Lisa’s one. He knows the guy is just laughing at him, but he can’t do anything about this new and undiscovered feeling.  ~~How would he taste like?~~

  And he finally notices that he was staring at his ass while he was leaving.

   Fuck. 


	2. A chemistry assignment

  The chemistry lesson he is sharing with Lisa is awful. She is next to him, and they are in the science lab. They’re studying the “equilibrium principles in aqueous systems.” So funny. At least, there is some calculus to do.

  
  It’s almost the end, and it’s hard to focus on the experience Dean barely understand when Lisa – who is totally demotivated – doesn’t stop talking to him about anything.

  
-“Cinema tonight?

  
\- Can’t. Need to go to the library.

  
\- Couldn’t read it yet? ”, she asks as he shakes his head to say no.

  
   She opens her mouth to say something, closes it, but when she is about to say what she wants to say, the teacher appears in front of their laboratory bench.

  
-“Do you manage to do the experience?”

  
She looks at the experience and the paper they have to hand to the teacher at the end of the lesson. And no need to say it’s almost blank.

  
\- “Great”,  Mrs. MacLeod ends her observation.  “Next time, you’ll be both in another work team.”

  
   Offended, Lisa begins to rebel against the teacher for daring to try to separate them, but Dean presses his hand on her shoulder to tell her in silence to sit down. Either way, she would just make the teacher even angrier. Anyway, the teacher seems to really like having Lisa get mad against her.

  
   Mrs. MacLeod sweeps the class with her eyes until they fall on a duo, which allows Dean to follow her look. Charlie Bradbury and Castiel.

  
   For a second – which seems to be a whole minute –, Dean’s eyes and his meet, but Dean rushes to look away.  Now, his eyes alternate between looking at the teacher and Lisa.  And secretly, he crosses his fingers under the table.  “Please.  Please.  Please.  Please.  Please”, he prays in his head. He knows that everybody is looking at him and Lisa. Maybe Charlie and Castiel too. But still, even if he’s praying, he is being careful to ensure that his lips don’t move or make a sound. “Please.”

  
He doesn’t know what he’s saying “please” to, but he can’t help thinking about it or saying it.

  
-“Fine. As we got two of the dumbest students of this class here, I’ll change your team with two most brilliant ones,” she adds with a sardonic smile.

         Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

  
\- “Mr.  Winchester, I’m sure you’ll be happy teaming up with Mrs. Bradbury.  Mrs. Braeden, with Mr. Novak.”

  
   The sentence echoes with the bell ringing, announcing the end of the lesson.  He feels both relieved not to be with him but also disappointed.  He wishes he could have teamed up with this guy.  In his whole life, Dean has never hated more a British accent and this read-head woman.

-"Hey Dean”, he hears Charlie’s voice by his side.

  
   He is packing up his books before cleaning his laboratory bench.

  
-“Hey, Charlie. Sorry about that. I’ll be a total pain in the ass for you.”

  
He turns his head to look at Charlie, and she seems to be surprised.

  
-“What?” he rushes to ask. “I said something wrong?

  
\- No, no no, of course not.  I just…  I didn’t know you kn ew my name actually. It’s the first time we’re talking.

  
\- So you can know my name, but I can’t know yours”,  he replies as he starts laughing.

-"Well, dude, you’re a legend”,  she answers with a serious face.  And as she sees Dean is intrigued, she explains:  “Most people here, we’re in the same school for like…  Ten years?  People know me without really me.  But you, you’re our fresh meat. ”

   He stops what he’s doing to look at her.

-“It must be disturbing. Everybody looks at you, judge you, and there are a lot of rumors about you… It must be really boring."

   He has heard about the rumors.  And there are so many of them.  Even Lisa asked him about it sometimes, but as she saw that it bothers Dean, she didn’t ask for more.  Some were about his past as a lady-killer.  Some were about his dad and his habits to drunk.  And he could bear with all of them.  But not about the ones about his little brother.  And he was lucking that there were not a lot of rumors about his brother.

-“Sorry to bother you, I’m… uh…

  
-talkative?

  
\- yes ”, she admits with a smile. “We have a chemistry assignment due one week. Do you think we can meet outside the school to work on it?”

  
\- What?  Where? ”, he rushes to ask.

  
She smiles and gives him the paper she was holding during this whole conversation. Indeed, they have an assignment about an experience to do.

  
-“Where do you want to meet? I’m free whenever you are.

  
-I must go to the library. You could go with me. What do you say?”

  
She nods with a smile.

  
-“I’m ok. Class is over at five PM for me, ‘cause I’m in a club, a video club actually.

  
-Fine, I’ll wait for you in the parking lot.”

  
Then, after everything is clean, and all his things are packed up in his bag, he turns to face Lisa who is still talking with Castiel.

  
-“No! I thought you were supposed to go to the dance with Meg! She’ll be very disappointed. And Castiel, it’s our last dance, you have to come!

  
\- Is he playing coward again? ” Charlie asks with a smirk on her face which makes her look terrifying.

  
\- “Meg?  Meg Masters?  Heard she was a monster”, Dean answers, trying to save Castiel, not knowing why.  “Why don’t you go with Charlie?” , he asks, looking at the guy.

  
\- “Because I already go with someone else”, she replies, giving him a black look because she has understood that he’s trying to save Castiel. “I’m going with my girlfriend, Dorothy.”

  
He can hear Castiel sighs and hides his face by looking out of the window to prevent everyone from seeing his smile.

  
\- “Got to go bitches.  Later Dean! ”, Charlie says happily as she starts leaving the science laboratory. “ Hope we’ll see you too, tonight, handsome”, she adds while looking at Castiel and finally disappears out of the room.

  
Castiel and Lisa, both perplexed, look at Dean who answers quickly:

  
-“Working on the assignment at the library this evening.”

  
If Lisa seems still lost, Castiel nods. And Dean doesn’t understand why it makes so much more sense for him.

 

 

 

 

 

   He is sitting on the grass, waiting for Charlie to meet him. He has no idea what her club is about, and he doesn't want even less to meet her. The problem is he has nothing to occupy his mind. He should have gone to the library first to get his book and he would have had something to read. 

  
   He doesn't have a phone because he and his father can't afford to have three. So everything he has left is to observe other students go out of the school. Or he can look at the sky. Which is boring. 

  
   Of all his educational background, what he likes most is to be able to observe students. Discovering new people, their interests, their relationships. There are many people, all knowing each other. Something Dean would never know because of his usual moves. And he feels isolated because of that. Because he’ll never be able to have real relationships. Even Lisa knows about it, about the fact that he’ll leave out of town and never come again. Wherever he goes, he is just a memory, a souvenir of a passerby.

  
\- “Hey, Dean!”

He raises his eyes to meet Charlie’s ones.  This girl is always smiling.  And it’s cool.  It makes Dean smile too.

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
   They arrive at the library a few minutes later.  He follows Charlie who goes immediately to a table in the corner of the building where they can work quietly.  There is no one in the library, but a librarian and a few readers who have come to pick up a book but who will certainly be leaving soon.

-“Need to find a book, so…

-Sure, I’ll start the exercises.”

   While saying this, she drops her bag on the table and starts to unpack her things.  Dean leaves his bag on his chair and walks toward the reception desk.  The man he finds there is a cliché with his glasses, the French classical book – _Les Miserables_ by Victor Hugo – he is reading, and his old pin cardigan.

-“You're looking for something?”, he asks in an apathetic voice as if he’s already bored.

-“Hmmm... Yes. I’m looking for…”

   He is interrupted by the man who suddenly snaps on his fingers and announces:

-“Someone’s looking for a book” before facing Dean again. Well “facing” isn’t the right word because he’s barely looking at Dean. “Ask for my colleague. I don’t know where to find books.”

   Dean is confused, but he nods, and when he’s about to look at the opened door where the librarian has looked, someone is already by his side.

-“What are you looking for?

-Orwell. Uh...”, he is about to tell more about the book, but the guy has already started walking, making his way through the shelves.  So Dean follows him.  When Castiel finally stops, the guy has already a finger on a book, and before Dean could tell him which book he wants, he gives it to him. _1984_ de Orwell.  Of course.

-“We’re in the same class. Thought you probably didn't notice me.

-Oh.”

   Dean doesn’t know what to reply.  Of course, he noticed him.  Who wouldn’t?!  But it’s not something he’ll admit out loud.  Instead of formulating a complete answer, a smart-ass answer, he looks at the book he is holding.

-“Sorry to bother you, but where can I find a summary. It’s… bigger than I thought.

-If you think this is big, then you haven’t seen much”, Castiel replies with a smile, already a finger on another book, a smaller book.  Is…  Is he flirting?

-“Never heard this one, thanks for your creativity.”

   He grabs the book from Castiel’s hands, not looking at him, but feeling that his cheeks have started to blush a little.  Trying his best to be confident, he doesn’t succeed and awkwardly steps backward when Castiel laughs.

   Dean starts walking away to meet her, but he’s surprised to see Castiel is following him.

-“Didn’t know you’re working here”,  Dean says to make conversation.

-“Why?”, he replies with a shy smile.  “You wouldn’t have come if youknew?”

   Cas bites his lips.  He is obviously making fun of Dean.  But Dean likes to flirt.  And he has experience in it.  So, even if Cas is a guy, it mustn't be too different than to a woman.

-"Or maybe I would have come sooner?"

   Castiel chuckles and stops to get some books in the right order, a smile frozen on his face. Dean doesn’t realize it first, but he has also stopped his walk, and he's now staring at he guy.   His eyes are beautiful. It's like they are shining with happiness. He feels at ease next to him. Peaceful even.

  
\- “I’m Dean Winchester, by the way”,  he announces as he offers him his hand to shake.  Maybe it wasn’t a great idea because when Castiel shakes his hand, he looks totally stupid doing so.

-“I know who you are, Dean Winchester”, he replies with a smile on his lips. “You're pretty famous. But you must know that.

  
\- Well, you're famous too, Castiel Novak-Shurley.

  
\- It's just Castiel Novak. Either way, it's too long and very...posh?”

  
   He finally catches a book of the ones he was touching.  The cover of the book is white, and there are just written in black letters the title and its author.  And he knows he shouldn’t have that kind of thoughts, but as close as they are, he wishes Castiel would lean forward to kiss him.  But that doesn’t make any sense.  However, when Cas’ hand grabs his hip, even if he doesn’t touch him, he can feel his skin burning. Actually, his whole body is burning. He’s so close that he can almost feel his breath on his face. He wants it so much. He can feel it inside of him, but it doesn't make any sense. 

  
-“I don’t swing that way”, is all he manages to whisper before he regrets the sudden cold. Castiel has stepped back to not touch him.

  
   He doesn’t say anything.  He just walks again towards the table where Charlie and Dean are.  Dean doesn’t know how Cas knows where they’re supposed to be, so he guesses this table is a habit of both of them.

  
   Instead of sitting on the chair in front of his friend, Castiel chooses the first one he can lay a hand on.  So when Dean sits down, next to Charlie, Castiel is just in front of him, still not making a sound. Charlie doesn’t look up but welcomes her new visitor by catching his book to read the title, and then leave it on the table.

  
-“Where did you stop with Lisa?” she asks, bitting a pencil.

  
   Dean takes his time over understanding what she is talking about, but he manages to and answers her.  They hadn’t done a lot about this experience because he had to do it alone while Lisa gave up along the way.  But his lack of reaction at first and then his confused face have made Cas chuckle - but Dean has his revenge when Charlie kicks him under the table. His head is full of the kiss that didn't happen, and he can’t concentrate on what Charlie is telling him.

  
   While he was looking for his book, Charlie has almost finished the assignment they have to give it back to Mrs. MacLeod. She has written down everything related to the observations of the experience they had to do, and it’s now the part of the interpretation.

  
  Charlie leans towards to grab her bag and starts searching for her calculator.  Dean grabs the paper towards him by sliding it on the table.  He catches one of his pens and begins to calculate it in his head.  He can feel Cas’ gaze on him.  When she raises her head, the calculator in her hand, Dean can guess she is looking at Cas and him for an explanation. Exercises are pretty simple, even if it’s harder to do mental arithmetic. But he wants to impress him.

  
   When he meets Charlie’s eyes – do not look at him, do as if he wasn’t here, do not look at him –, she has a huge smile on her face.

  
-“Didn’t know you could do mathematics! That’s awesome, everything seems to be correct.”

  
   Dean nods, almost shy which is strange.  But he is so much unused to have congrats for his skills and job, that he doesn’t know how to react.  Just like when Cas was about to kiss him.

  
   It’s only when Cas draws his attention by pushing his knee with his, that he allows himself to look at him. He hadn’t done it on purpose because he apologizes, but Dean can feel where they hit. But it would be bad to want more. It wouldn’t be normal. 


	3. Nothing happened! Promise!

   He is back at the library. He doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know how he came in here since it is closed. He has barely walked in the library, but he managed to make his own way through the shelves. He seems to be confident. As if he knows where he is supposed to go. As if someone is calling him to guide him through the labyrinth of shelves.

   But as he keeps walking, he can feel he’s getting closer to his aim. He doesn’t know what he will find at the end of it, but he isn’t scared.

   Lisa is leaning towards one of the shelves. She is smiling. As she starts walking towards him, he realizes that he has stopped walking. She is trying to look seductive. Her hands graze his bare arms then caress his nude torso. When did he lose his shirt?

-“I want you, Dean.”

   Her voice becomes deeper than it should be. He hasn’t stopped looking at Lisa, so he can see her being transformed into him. And he isn’t scared of it. He should probably be. Because of the transformation, their sizes are now different. Thus, as he had to look down to meet Lisa’s eyes, his eyes are now exactly the same height as his.

-“I want you, Dean.”

   The affirmation – or the prayer – which is addressed to him, achieves his transformation. It’s totally him. His size, his body, his voice, his eyes, his face. Everything is right. His hands are still on his torso when they start moving again against Dean’s skin. But this time, his lips are also on his body. Dean shivers because of the contact. He knows he should say no, tells him to stop, but he’s too much curious to know what will happen next.

   Cas’ fingers linger over his body as if it’s something new to him too as if he doesn’t want to rush and cherish every moment. His mouth rises from his collarbone, reaching his neck until he finally stops on his jaw. Dean tries to hold back a shiver of contentment but fails, which makes Cas smile.

   He should walk away from him or try to make Lisa appears again. He knows he should, and yet, he can not. It’s so good to finally have Cas touching him. It’s something he didn’t know he wanted that much until he finally has it. He raises his hand to pass it through Cas’ hair and while he does so, he notices something strange: the hair is short.

   Cas puts his hands on Dean’s neck and attracts him closer to him. It’s like last time when he was about to kiss him but didn’t dare.

   But he wished he had dared. He wished he had stolen him that kiss. He wished he could have felt his lips on his. Imagining how good these lips would taste.

   So for the first time, he allows himself to do it. He leans towards Cas, capturing his lips with his. Even if he doubts the kiss is real, even if the sensation is a pale imitation of fireworks. He kisses him deeper, getting him closer to him until their skins touch the other. He leans Cas’ head back to lick his jawline, loving each moans Cas can make.

   Cas clings to his neck as they both are getting intoxicated by these kisses and these feelings of happiness and lust. It’s a feeling he knows well, a feeling of pure pleasure he is willing to let control his body and his mind.

   He can feel Cas’ hands on his body, one on his chest close to his heart which is beating too fast not to be noticed, while his other hand is resting on his hips and slightly moving towards his ass. He only stops when this said hand is resting on his cheek. No clothes have stopped him, and that’s the moment when Dean discovers they are both naked. He wants to enjoy the view, but Cas raises his head by catching his chin to kiss again.

   Yet, while he should try to do everything to wake up, he lets Cas lay him down against the closest table. The wood is colder on his back and butt because of his hot skin. Cas leaves his mouth which has been bruised by so much fervor, and he moves all the way to his body, sometimes sucking his skin, sometimes licking sensitive places of his body. Each of them can feel the erection of the other against their burning skin. It’s like Heaven to Dean

   It’s hard to fight the need of friction, so when Cas comes crashing against Deans, he’s already about to come. He lets Cas being in control, both trapping their cocks together and moving to make them both feel good. He is lost in the sensation which lasts a few more seconds before he finally comes. The only clear thought he can think of is the need for these feelings in real life. He wants Cas as much as he needs him.

   Of course, when he wakes up immediately after, he has a little surprise on his sheets. He slowly stands up, trying to make as less noise as he can, but his brother seems to be still sleeping on the other side of the room. At least, his brother will not see the shame on his face. He catches a clean boxer short, removes the sheet, and when he is reaching the door, he finally freezes. He finds him praying for his father not to be on the other side of the door.

   He slowly turns the handle, biting his lips as if doing it would either make his father disappear if he’s here or make him invisible. Or both.

   He slips his head through the partially open door and looks at the empty couch in the empty apartment. His father seems to be nowhere. Dean relaxes, releasing the air he had kept in his lungs without realizing it. He had completely stopped breathing until his lungs hurt.

   He rushes to get to the bathroom where he cleans his sheet as much as he can, and then take a quick shower.

   He can’t sleep anymore. Not if he has that kind of thoughts. Damnit, he can’t want to fuck with a man! It’s not... It’s not him! He is not like that. He’s into women.

   That doesn’t make any sense. But even if his mind tells him that, his body tells him otherwise. His body is fighting for more contact with him, even if it’s just an illusion. How is it possible to want someone that much? How is it possible to need even an illusion of the sensation of his body against him?

   But Dean can’t find an honest answer. There’s something wrong with this guy. But he shakes his head because it’s so stupid to think that. Cas has nothing to do with his subconscious. He is the one – and the only one – to have dreamed about having sex with him. And he feels ashamed to have that kind of thoughts.

   He lets his head rest against the mirror of the bathroom. He has to wait for the sheet to dry and must make sure that nobody finds him out. But as he is the only one having this chore to do the laundry, he is relatively relieved. And waiting isn’t so hard anymore as he isn’t tired no more.

   He doesn’t know what time it is, but he doesn’t care. Anyway, his brother’s phone will ring to wake them up when it’s time to go to school and to work, so he doesn’t have to think about it.

   Now that he wears clean clothes, that sheets are more or less clean and drying, that Sam is sleeping, and his father is outside, Dean can do whatever he wants. He goes to his room to pick up his school bag. The memory of Cas – the real Cas – in the library and their kiss, plus the memory of the false Cas from his dream, doing lewd things on a table, is enough to almost make him let the book fall on the floor.

   How can he face the guy again, now?

His mind oscillates between memories of the real him and the library scene. He can’t remember the sound of his moans, the sensation, the feeling…

   He shakes his head, opens the book, and tries to concentrate on the summary which reveals to be an explanation of every symbol of _1984_ , and decoding them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   He avoids Cas on Thursday morning – the day after the wet dream – and he would have succeeded avoiding him the whole day if Charlie hadn’t called out to each other across the lunchroom to come to eat with them.

   As usual, Dean and Lisa met again at the lunchroom. And while they were waiting and then choosing their food, Lisa had told him about his morning, about a certain Anna who Dean hadn’t met yet.

   He loves to listen to her. She is so passionate, with her voice as much as her gesture she makes to brighten her story up. They started walking toward an empty table when they heard Charlie.

   During a second of hesitation where they look at each other, to see and gauge if the other agrees to eat with them, Charlie has already joined them.

-“Come with us, it’s been a long time we haven’t talk, Lisa!”, she announces while pointing the table out. Castiel is waiting for Charlie, reading something on his phone.

    As they walk toward their table, Dean leans against Lisa.

-“Didn’t know you were friends with them”, he asks, the most silent his voice can be.

-“We’re all friends here”, she replies, and then adds: “Does it bother you? ‘Cause we don’t have to, you know.

-No. It’s ok.”

   They start walking towards Charlie and Castiel. The more he is getting closer to them, the more he is starting to dig his heels in in order not to let anything about his thoughts to be discovered. So as soon as they reach their table, Dean makes sure to sit in front of Charlie and not Cas. Lisa sits next to him. Thus, even if he can’t completely avoid meeting his eyes, neither can he avoid answering to his questions – because avoiding him would be equal to confess about his guilt, or even hurt Cas who doesn’t deserve it.

   But he is wrong.

   Given that Lisa, Castiel, and Charlie tell Dean a few anecdotes, lunch is going very well. They tell him about things that happened years or months ago to students or teachers, from rumors to secrets and shameful stories. Usually, Dean doesn’t like this kind of gossips. As he is just a passerby, he doesn’t like to know a lot about people he will never meet again, or even be a friend of. But not this time. Watching them together, having fun, make Dean jealous. Seeing them talking about the good old times, being happy and talking like old friends who just met again by chance. This image makes him smile as much as he feels a heartache.

   But he also laughs thanks to the stories they choose to tell. There are all hilarious and most of the time to the disadvantage of their characters. For example, a certain Becky had confessed her feelings for a guy on one of her books to let it know to her classmate next to her. But she had been caught by the history teacher – Mr. Crowley, of course – and Becky had the chance to have her confession read to the whole students of the class, out loud, with the comments of the teacher and the description – almost a fanfiction – about her feelings for the guy… and about what she wished she could do to him. 

   This last story makes Dean’s cheek blush a little, but even if he clears his throat, no one seems to notice his confusion. Not even Castiel who is concentrating with the girls to choose the best of the best stories to tell.

   He is beautiful like this, with his serious face. He is full concentrated until his face suddenly enlightens him because of his good find. Then, his amazing blue eyes close, and his mouth opens wide to crack up. The sound that goes out of it is deeper than he is used to hearing. Every time he hears someone laugh, it’s a feminine one. Not a male friend, not even his brother – even if he could see him smile. It’s worse about his father.

   But before Dean can really think of it, Charlie has already caught his eyes again and start telling a new story: how Nick has been pinched while smoking a joint in the girls’ toilets by the headmaster (said headmaster Alastair who has been pinched too because he used to these toilets because they were closer to his office).

   It’s always Charlie who tells these stories. From what he has seen, Castiel doesn’t know how to tell, or if he tries to do it, he misses details and pieces of information that don’t seem to be significant to him. And each time he does it, Charlie immediately corrects him. Lisa, on the other hand, tells too many useless details. But Charlie is perfect for that: emphasizing some events and quickly telling useless details. So she’s in charge of telling all the best gossips and stories.

   They stay like that in the lunchroom, burst out together, until the lunchroom close. They all had stopped eating for a while, but no one had thought to leave. They are barely the only one left in the room, and it’s only when someone tells them it’s time to leave that Charlie is the first one to react.

-"Need to go take my books for the next lesson, guys”, Charlie announces, a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “So I’m gonna go.”

-Wait, I’m coming with you”, Lisa declares to Charlie.

-“I should go with you, shouldn’t I ?”, Dean asks while looking at her standing up.

   He doesn’t want to be alone with Cas. He could say or do anything that might hurt him, or worse, confess things he absolutely doesn’t want to confess. Especially last night episode. Because he knows himself, and he knows he could let out of his mouths some clues that might draw Cas’ attention to the truth. Or at least, that something happened on his side. But now that he thinks of it, maybe… Maybe Cas has also thought of him… He shakes his head to erase all the images which appear in his mind. It’s not the moment. And it will never be the moment. Never again. No.

   Everything would be much easier if his body and his subconscious weren’t being stubborn!

-“Pretty sure you don’t need to”, she chuckles, and then she whispers to him: “Do we come by tonight?”

   Dean nods. Lisa goes with Charlie out of the lunchroom, but not before dropping a kiss on his lips. Which adds to the surrounding malaise that is starting to grow as Dean realizes he will now be alone with Castiel.

   Once they are alone, they stay quiet for a few seconds in which Cas observes him while he is awkwardly examining what’s left on his plate. The situation could hardly become worse.

-“Did I do something wrong ?”, Cas finally asks not to look at him anymore. “Because if it’s about the… kiss”, he whispers, ”then I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have done what I did… Whatever it is… I’m sorry.”

   Dean tries to look at Cas, opening his mouth like he is about to say something. He doesn’t know what his brain will decide to make him say. Cas is waiting for him to speak, staring at him. But before Dean could say anything, he is interrupted by Castiel’s reaction. His eyes open wide, looking slightly above Dean’s head. He meets his eyes again a last time for a second before Cas hurriedly stands up.

-“Fuck!”, he barely screams and his voice breaks. “Ok. Whatever happened, I wasn’t there, ok ?!”

   Confused, Dean doesn’t react, but before Cas could explain or even walk three steps away, a feminine figure seems to appear next to them. The woman stretches her arms out to catch Cas’ shoulder and force him to turn around and sit him on one of the chairs of the table he has just left.

-“Do not run away from me, Clarence! Don't you dare”, Meg declares before noticing that Dean is still here. “Oh! Hello Winchester." 

   She looks again towards Cas. Both her look and her voice are threatening. Castiel seems to have shrunk on his chair, a little scared of her.

-“We need to talk. Alone.”

   Dean receives the message loud and clear, but he hesitates to go away. However, seeing Castiel pull himself together and make a little gesture of the hand to let him know he can go. So he decides to leave under the gaze of both Meg and Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hesitate to let me know what you think about this fic, it really helps me :D


	4. Baby it's cold outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry, I'm posting this chapter later than usual but here it is! (Finally!!)
> 
> I've written way too much, I just... I don't know what happened...
> 
>  
> 
> Good reading!!

 

 

 

   When he goes home, after a whole day of lessons and work at the garage, Dean doesn’t realize that he has passed a good say until the threshold of the apartment. Everything is calm. Way too calm to be natural. 

   Seeing Sam’s shoes next to the door, he can tell that his brother is in their room. The only question to Dean is where is his father? 

   There is nothing that belongs to him to be seen in the living room or the kitchen. And by reaching the bathroom, he finally understands that his father has flown away. Again. He walks towards their room to look for Sam. The door is open, so he can see Sam’s listening to music on his bed. 

   When he sees his brother coming to him, he takes off his earbuds and already answers the question Dean hasn’t asked yet:

-“He isn’t there. He let us a message on the phone.

-What did he say?”

   Dean grabs the phone which is laying on the desk. He presses the icon to open the unread message. 

-“Don’t know”, he says as he shrugs his shoulders.

-“You didn’t read it? Sam, something bad could happen! I told you every time to read those fucking messages! I’m not your parent!”

   Sam murmurs an apology, feeling ashamed. But Dean knows it’s useless. Next, his father will run away again and just leave a message. He knows his brother will not read it. Dean thinks it’s because Sam doesn’t have to do it, that his father is not his responsibility. Which is right. But then, is it Deans? Does that mean that he has to take care of everything? Dean’s life is being a mess: he can’t help being furious at his father for acting like an irresponsible kid, about himself for having a new and unexpected kind of lewd thoughts, and he is guilty to scream at his brother for having to ask him once again to act like an adult when he’s still young… 

   Nothing is right. Nothing is fair. So he focuses on his breath to try to calm himself. 

-“If you’re done with your homework, go take a shower. I’m ordering pizzas for tonight.” 

  Sam nods, and stands up of the bed while Dean is already leaving, letting the door open. Dean looks for the phone number in the telephone book, and finally founds the one of the closest pizzeria, where they’re used to order. 

   While he is waiting for the delivery man and his brother, Dean takes the time to rest on the couch. His whole day has been exhausted, so he sits on the couch just the time to calm himself. The phone still in his hand, he hesitates a few seconds, staring at it, before reading the message. It would be useless to delete it and throw the fault on his father to go away and not tell anyone. Anyway, his father could show him the message sent from his phone when he would come back. And he always comes back, it’s just a matter of time. 

   Ignoring would make the situation worse, so he finally finds the courage to read it: 

 

 "Out of time for a week. Take care of your brother, Dean."

 

   It’s simple. Clear and sober. But most of all, the message is intended for him. And it’s intended for him because the three of them know it’s going to be Dean reading the message and it’s going to be him taking care of his brother.

   And that makes him furious. 

   He comes closer to the bathroom, from where he can hear water flow. He knocks at the door, not paying attention of it’s too loud or not. 

-"Yes? 

-I’m going outside. I’ll be back in ten minutes. I leave you the phone.” 

  He only manages to say short and quick sentences to try as best not to scream at his brother his anger and his feeling of injustice. Sam isn’t guilty of whatever his father can do.

   He catches his coat, puts it on quickly, and rushes outside. He barely had the time to warm up in the apartment so the cold sting his face. He buries his hands on the pockets of his coat and walks away. For now, he is just a big bag of anger and hate. His father has left again. Without saying a word, as usual. It has happened in the past and will happen again in the future, and Dean cannot help but consider the situation as unfair. 

   He walks, walks and still walks. His feet are hurting him for a long time now because of the cold and he would like to walk in any shop still open, but each time, he stays outside the storefront. He never dares to come in. He doesn’t want their warmth and doesn’t want to allow himself to even think he would want it. He wants to be alone, seeing other people being happy and knowing he will never be one of them.

   He is about to leave when he feels a slight pressure on his forearm. 

-“Are you feeling all right?”

   Dean meets his eyes. He doesn’t want to answer him, but Cas insists by coming closer to him. He is looking at him, searching for answers in his eyes as if they were about to confess him anything. However, Dean moves his arm to be free from Castiel’s hold on him. 

   He goes back to his way, away from him and all those people who don’t even know him. However, even if he walks faster, he can hear a little behind him, the sound of Castiel’s footsteps on the snow behind him.

-“Dean…

-Shut up”, Dean interrupts him.

   He doesn’t know where he is going, nor does he know for how long he is gone, and when he finally raises his head, he doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t recognize anything around him, and no details in the landscape can give him a hint to know where he could be. 

   But the only thing he sees when he turns around. A few steps between them, Cas is standing motionless, waiting and seeing what happens next. Waiting for Dean’s next reactions. He knows that even if he keeps walking, Castiel will follow him anyway. Even if he chooses to stay here for the next fifteen minutes, Cas would stay.

   And that’s what set Dean’s anger on fire. He just wants to be alone, and Cas is preventing him from it. He just wants to stop thinking, to stop feeling things, but both his father and Cas are preventing him from doing so. He wants everything to fuck off. His father, his doubts, his life. So even if he knows he’s doing something bad - and will realize what he has done when he thinks about it later – and even if he’s going to hurt Cas, he doesn’t care anymore. If he must be in pain, then everyone will suffer with him. 

   He comes closer to him, walking briskly. He must seem to be scary because Cas steps back a little. Dean freezes in an instant. Here he is: rejected by his father and by the guy who is flirting with him all day long. He’s completely alone. Something breaks in his mind. If he’s going to be rejected anyway, he might as well be rejected definitely.

-“So what?! I thought your main idea was to suck me! Why are you moving away from me so suddenly, huh, if it was just to follow like a dog?!”

   He is screaming in the wasteland street, but they’re still some houses around that he might scare, but he doesn’t care anymore. His breath is fast, and facing Cas’ lack of reaction, he hurls himself at him. A voice in his mind murmurs to him it’s a stupid idea, but he doesn’t listen, he doesn’t think no more. He needs everything to stop. 

  Cas narrowly escapes the first punch, but the second one hits him on his jaw. Cas steps back a few steps, falling on the ground, knocked out by the blow. With his hand, he touches his face where the impact has hurt him. 

   Dean barely realizes what he has just done when he is on Cas, holding his coat near the throat to keep him motionless. Just before his fist knocks Cas’ face down, Cas sits up straight and catches Dean to hug him.

 He catches Dean head and forces it to cuddle against his neck and shoulder, waiting for Dean to calm down. After a few seconds, Dean tightens his grip on Cas back, tears falling on his cheeks, but Cas can’t see it. Or at least, if he knows Dean is crying, Cas doesn’t say anything about it. 

   There are just sitting on the floor, Dean sitting on Cas’ legs as he has fallen on him to try to punch him, but he doesn’t care and barely notices the position. Cas hugs him, and Dean lets him do so. He lets his head rest on Cas’ shoulder, his head buried near his neck.  

   Dean can feel Cas’ hands on his back, rubbing them to comfort him. He doesn’t know how long they stay like this, on the floor, but in the end, he feels empty. He is just sad, emotionless.

-“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Cas… I didn’t…”, he manages to say as calmly as he can while crying.

   His voice is stifled because of the sheer thickness of Cas’scarf but even if he has spoken low, he’s so close to Cas’ ear that he is sure he heard him.

-“Shhh… It’s okay Dean, I’m here…”, Cas immediately answers him, not angry at all, but worried. 

   Dean keeps his face buried on Cas’ shoulder, hugging him. When he raises his head, the first thing his eyes fall on his Cas’ bruise on his left cheek and jaw. Dean approaches his fingers to graze his skin where it’s starting to change colors because of the blow. 

-“It’s okay. It’s not hurting. Are you fine?” Cas reassures him. 

   Dean nods and shapes a snowball to press it on Cas’ bruise. It’s not what Cas really need, but that’s all he can do. Well, they could leave, and Cas could take care of himself in his warm house. But that would mean he would be alone. Again. 

   So as he focuses on pressing fresh snow on the bruise to avoid his look because of his shame, he finds the time to think. 

-“Cas, what are you doing here?

-I’m coming… home from work. My… father was supposed to… pick me up, but… our car is broken.” Cas tries to answer but it’s more complicated to speak because of the snow and the bruise.

   It makes Dean smile, between his tears. He must have some kind of guardian angel, because thanks to him, he could meet Cas in such a late hour, in the street, and the guy followed him to make sure he wouldn’t do any stupid mistakes. He has never been a believer since his mother died, but for one, he wants to believe. 

-“Is it… because of your father?”, Cas stutters and hesitates to go on.“I’m sorry… It’s just… rumors…”

   Dean doesn’t answer, but this is just a proof for Cas that he aimed accurately, so he goes on. He moves Dean’s hand aside and forces him to stand up. 

-“Come with me. Come to my house just for tonight, my father will agree, and you’ll not disturb anyone. And bring Sam too. We have enough rooms for you both.

-Can’t. If he comes back tonight and doesn’t find me…

-Do you have a few minutes, nevertheless? I want to show you something.”

   Dean nods. He has no idea what time it is, nor where he is, but he doesn’t want to go home. Not yet. 

   They start walking again, Cas guiding Dean through the Streets like he used to do with the bookshelves in the Library. 

-“Are we friends?”, Dean asks as they walk out of town. 

   Cas chuckles. 

-“I guess so. Why do I have the feeling it’s a very important thing for you? 

-‘Cause I don’t have any friends… We keep moving out, and I can't get close to anyone. It’s harder if I do… 

-Still, you’re hanging out with Lisa? Are you so much of a lady killer you can’t help being seduced by any feminine charm? Or maybe it is a love potion? I didn’t know we had witches in town.”

   Cas answers with a smile and a teasing tone, but Dean can see behind the mask that he is sad about it. By the fact that a friend is not conceivable, but a lover to warm him up for one night is. And maybe is he jealous to not be one the chosen girls for these famous nights. Except there were not as many famous nights as Cas seemed to think. 

-“No. I’ve always liked to be close to girls. They’re soft, calm, comprehensive… Not always, of course, but often. I like Lisa’s company. Maybe I’m using her to calm me. Maybe she’s using me too. I don’t really know. 

-And you’re asking me if we’re friends…"

   Dean is about to answer him it’s because he’s different to every person he has ever met in his life, but he prevents himself from doing it. What would happen next if he dares admit that out loud? Cas could ask him other things, try to make Dean say or confess things he doesn’t want or doesn’t even know. So he takes the easiest solution and keeps quiet. 

   Cas pushes a small iron front gate on which the snow has accumulated. Actually, the whole parc they have reached is covered by snow. Compared to the Streets of town, the shift is so huge it amazed Dean. It’s like Nature has taken back what’s its. 

-“No one ever comes here. It’s too much far away from town. We’ll be alone, here.”

   Cas smiles to him, and even if Dean can feel Cas has tightened his grip on him, he doesn’t do anything, nor does he say something. The little gesture doesn’t really bother him, even if he’s afraid to hurt Cas if he lets him get too close to him. So to distract his mind, he inspects the vicinity. 

 Everything is with around them, from the trees to the ground. There are no footprints on the snow, and it’s as if no one has ever come here in centuries. The place is so peaceful, Dean can’t help tanking Cas, which makes him chuckle. Cas walks towards a bench covered by snow and, by a movement of his arm, he pushes the snow out of it and then sits down. Dean follows him, even if it’s way too cold to sit on it. For a few seconds, they don’t say anything. They just keep quiet, observing the landscape. After what seem to be a few minutes, Cas turns his face to look at Dean. 

-“Do you want to talk about it?

-There is nothing to say.”

   He seems hesitant to add something else but give up. Cas lets his head rest on Dean’s shoulder. If someone was to come in the parc right now, they would think of them as a couple. But anyway, now that Dean thinks of it, even if someone would walk by, he wouldn’t dare to push Castiel out. 

-“Dean?

-Hmmm

-Have you ever kissed a boy?

-... No, but you already know it.”

   Cas’ head still resting on his shoulder, he notices the strongness of his heartbeats echoing in his body and ears, and which are breaking the peace of the parc. Cas was right: no one is coming in. He doesn’t even hear a sound coming from town. At a time, Dean doesn’t remember when, Cas grabs Dean's hand, slowly until they intertwined their fingers. And Dean doesn’t do anything against the gesture, but as he feels Cas is freezing, he exchanges the hand Cas is holding to let the other drops on his shoulder. Like that, Cas can lean closer on to Dean and try to warm up a little. 

   Cas must be stronger than Dean’s, he thoughts. It’s a stupid remark, but it’s an idea that is inspiring to him. Cas isn’t like him, and yet he’s not that different. Cas is Cas, and he is happy like that. However, Dean doesn’t dare to want to be his real self as Cas can embrace his real self. And Dean wishes he could be like him, borrow ( ?) him a little part of his happiness and his liberty. 

-“Do I have a chance with you, even a tiny chance or am I fooling myself?”, Cas finally asks in a murmur, as if he doesn’t want to break the silence of the falling night. 

   Dean takes a deep breath when Cas raises his head to look at him. There are some black locks that fall on his forehead, so Dean lets his fingers drag his strands of hair back into place.

 He is gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, with his beautiful blue eyes which seem to be bright and full of hope, and with his dark bed-head hair. And suddenly, he understands. He likes him. It’s not love, not yet, even if it’s starting to grow in

   Dean’s heart, he can feel it. He does like him. A lot even. He likes his eyes. He likes his teasing personality and hi sis spaced out sometimes. He likes his black messy hair and his tanned skin. He likes his smile and his infectious laugh. He likes how patient he can be with him, and how calm and peaceful he can be. He likes when Cas is near him and dislikes how tense he can feel when he’s not. He dislikes how much he can miss him when he’s not around, without even noticing it, and how he seeks for his company without realizing it, the looks during lessons, the different times he was telling Lisa to let her books in her locker so he could see him, how much he would concentrate on lessons when he could hear him answer a question of the teacher… By seeing him right now, calm, peaceful, worried for Dean rather than for himself. 

   A voice in his head whispers he looks stupid to realize his feelings now, just by looking at him, but he quickly shut it up. 

-“Yes”, He admits in a murmur. “Yes, but I… Need time…”

   Dean puts his hand on Cas’ head and lets it rest on his shoulder.

-“Don’t you like the idea of taking your time? You know, falling in love with someone, kiss, doing things together… and then maybe having sex?

-…The wedding, having kids, buying a house and a dog. I didn’t know you were so romantic, Dean”, Castiel teases him. “I like the idea, but it’s more complicated in real life. I mean, have you seen yourself in a mirror? You’re like a living god.”

   It makes Dean chuckle. Everything is always so peaceful around him. Which is very strange considering the fact that Cas is changing his whole life.

-“Come on, I take you back home before it’s too dark.”

   Castiel nods, not feeling as happy as he was a minute before, but they start walking towards Cas’ home. Dean takes care to memorize the way. He doesn’t know if one day he will be able to come to his house, but he likes to know he can visit Cas whenever he wants.

  As they walk together – so close they could touch their hands at every step but not daring to catch the others – they talk about their lives. Most of all about family. So Dean learns a few things he didn’t know about Cas, like the fact that he has three brothers. Michael, his big brother has found a job and married someone, so Castiel can’t say much about him as he never comes home except on Thanksgiving. And not on each. Gabriel is his other big brother and is only one year older than Cas. So Cas knows him better and shares much more with him than his older brother or his little brother, Samandriel – called Alfie. He also talks about his father, Chuck, who is an author and who is now working on a new history book without rest. 

   Dean notices Cas never talks about his mother, but he doesn’t react to this. He happily takes everything Cas is willing to tell him. So Dean does the same with his brother and explains his father’s situation – not explaining why he’s reacting like that since his mother’s death, or even why he is reacting like that. He just says it’s in his father’s habits to leave sometimes, to disappear, and then come back as if Nothing has happened. 

   Cas talks about what he wants to do, where he wants to study. He talks about his wishes for the future. And when he asks Dean about him, he doesn’t know what to answer. He stutters that he wants to be a mechanic, like his father, but it’s followed by a "maybe", and the thought of « That’s the only thing I’m good at. » Cas can’t hear the last thought, but it’s like he has read on Dean’s face. He comes closer, finally taking his hand in his, to comfort him. He doesn’t say a word though, but the little gesture warm Dean’s heart, makes him remember he’s not as alone as he thinks he is. 

   The night has fallen for a long time when they reach Cas’ house. Like idiots, they stay quiet for a few seconds, staring at each other, not wishing goodbye to the other. After a few seconds, Cas finally says it and makes him a shy sign before climbing the stairs and reach the main door. 

-"Cas? I know I don’t need to ask you this but…”, he hesitates, “Don’t tell anyone, ok?

-Of course, Dean. What happens between stay between us. People don’t need to know unless we both want them to know.”

   Cas smiles to him and turns away, his hand on the door handle, ready to open it. Dean doesn’t completely understand to what extent seeing him go away break his heart, that he has already reach Cas next to him. He just needs a few more words. A few more contact with him. Just one more look, one more smile. 

-“About the car, come Saturday to the garage on the way out of town. I’ll take care of it personally.

-And you’re a mechanic too?”

   Seeing Dean confused face, Cas comes closer to him, hugging him, and then without anyone to hear them or even understand what’s going on, and he whispers to his ear: “So many fantasies to do.”

   Then, as Cas moves his head back to have a better look at Dean amused expression, Cas bursts out of laugh, his eyes full of mischief, his laughter mingles with Deans.

-“Good night, Dean

-Good night, Cas.”


	5. Don't mess with a demon (or two)

   When he reaches the apartment on the way back. Of course, there are no hints that his father came back. Or that he even existed. Sam stands up of the couch when he hears the door opening, but seeing the smile on his brother’s face, he immediately calms himself. His serenity seems to act like an aura around Dean and influence everyone closes about him. And as Dean walks in, take off his coat and shoes, they both stay quiet, not talking about everything that happened almost an hour ago. Sam would have never guessed until now that his brother could look just like their father when he is angry.

   But more importantly, Sam doesn’t say anything in order not to say something that could hurt his brother and so he could leave again. Definitely this time. So he just announces to his brother that pizzas have been delivered. Without a word, they walk towards the table to sit down and eat. 

   They eat in silence until Dean asks Sam about his day at school. They talk for hours, laughing, either when they’re sitting at the table, and then on the couch, barely focusing on the many stupid movies they're watching on tv.

 

 

 

 

   When Dean wakes up in the morning, he still feels peaceful. He finds himself laying on the couch, his brother in the same position but on the other side of it. When he wakes his brother up, Dean doesn’t rush him, nor does he punch the toaster as it works only every other time.

   No. Everything is alright. He even finds out that his life far from his father wouldn’t be complicated. He isn’t a kid anymore, and nor is his brother. Actually, thanks to his job at the garage, and the apartment’s not so expensive. He could take care of his brother better if his father wasn’t there, always torturing them with his frequent drunk attitudes. And then, his father would be able to do whatever he wants, whenever and wherever. He wouldn’t have to make a whole family move out every time, nor should he have to pay attention to his son’s education.

   Life would be better for all of them.

   And yet, even if all these reasonable facts could be true, Dean doubts it could be from an emotional point of view which makes everything more complicated. ~~As for Cas~~. And that was certainly the main reason why his father always came back: because they were his sons, and from the woman he loved. So Dean doesn’t doubt his father will come back. It’s just a matter of time.

   ~~And maybe it’ll be the same with Castiel. If he must move out far from him, maybe Cas would like to have Dean to come back.~~

   But for now, he and his brother are busy by their morning routine before going to school. Friday is the day he usually doesn’t like, but this time is different. He is so impatient he has to keep himself busy all the time not to look suspect to his brother. As he packs his things in his bag, he winces as he remembers he has chemistry and history lessons…

   As they have to leave earlier to be at school on time because their father disappeared with the car. On the way, they’re still talking to each other. It’s a rare and precious moment for Dean to have his brother telling him about his life, his friends, his expectations.

   When they are about to separate to go to school, Dean wishes him a good day while Same waves at him. He still has five minutes to walk before reaching his school.

   No one has arrived, except a few students with their arms full of notebooks or teachers. He goes towards Lisa’s locker, more because of the habit than because of real interest in seeing her. He sits down on the floor, picking up the book Cas lend him from his bag.

   He is lost in his lecture, not thinking about anything else that the words he is reading.

-“She isn’t there yet?”, he can hear a voice ask, and he immediately recognizes its owner. 

   His heart beats faster, and he tries his best not to show how much he is pleased to see Cas. Thus, when he raises his head, he realizes the corridor is no more empty. He doesn’t know how long he has been reading, sitting on the floor, but if Cas has just arrived, it means the lessons haven’t started yet.

   He stands up while Cas is grabbing his books for the next lessons. He is about to tell Dean something when Meg appears behind him, take the time to whisper something in his ear, and walks away.

   Dean looks at Cas, frowns as if to ask a silent question.

-“What happened?

-Meg happened!”

   Dean can't help but chuckle.

-“This woman, she seems to be a tempest.

-No, Dean, not a tempest. A demon! She's a demon.

-And you're an angel?

-Is this analogy, yes. She's a demon. I'm an angel.”

   Dean imagines him for a few seconds as an angel. Him with beautiful and huge white wings. A halo and a harp. Or not white, but black. Like an angel, but different from them all.

-“What does that make me?”, he can’t help asking.

   Castiel freezes as he takes his time to come up with a good answer. Finally, a few seconds later, he raises his head to look at Dean who is leaning on the lockers.

-“… The hunter killing the demon and saving the poor little angel from this dance.

-I don’t see you as a poor, little and weak angel. You’re more the soldier type. Strong and rebellious.”

   Dean turns to face Cas when he hears the metallic slamming and the soft laugh. He frowns as a silent question for Cas’ laugh.

-“How am I supposed to slow down with you if you keep flirting like that with me?”

   Dean bits his lip in order not to smile. Inside him, he can feel his stomach jumps and his heart beats faster.

   He is happy.

-“We should go. Mr. Crowley is a real pain in the ass…” Dean replies to avoid looking at Cas.

   Castiel slams the door of his locker and they both start walking through the corridors to go to their next classroom.

-“If you don’t want to go with her, why don’t you tell her no?

-Dean, you’re underestimating her. Plus, it’s convenient: we’re both alone and dance is always fun. Each year, something bad happens. We were going out together, in the past, so it’s less strange to go with her.” He pauses, as if he was going to add something to Dean, but don’t say anything more.

   Once they reach their classroom, when Dean heads for his usual chair, at the end of the room, he isn’t surprised to discover that Cas is still following him. They drop their bags at the time. It doesn’t feel weird to have Cas sitting next to him. They usually don’t, but as their relationship has grown up, Dean doesn’t mind, quite the contrary. And he tries his best not to pay attention to the people who stare at them, murmuring things to the person sitting next to them.

-“So did you read the book I lend you?

-Yes, thank you. I’ll go to the library this evening.”

   Castiel shakes his head.

-“Come tomorrow instead, after your job. I work tomorrow evening, either way, Aaron is working today, and he is a moron.”

   He stops talking while the teacher gives out the documents to study for the next two hours. And immediately after the teacher is done, they start talking again, murmuring this time.

-“Moreover, it’s better if it’s me, and I already know which one to make you read next.”, he adds with a blink.

-“Why do I feel you’ll trap me?

-Because it is a trap. I want to have more occasions to be with you.”, Cas says with a wink.

   Mr. Crowley bursts in the room and starts his history lesson almost immediately, not caring about students coming in for the first ten minutes.

   They listen to the lesson for twenty minutes before Cas softly taps Dean’s hand with his fingertips to catch his attention. He slides his notebook towards Dean while he is staring at the teacher to be sure not to be caught. Dean first looks at Cas, and then at the notebook a little writing on it. “Phone number?” 

   He quickly feels ashamed to confess to him he doesn’t have one, but he realizes it’s just Cas. So he writes the phone number of his brother, clarifying it. When Cas’ eyes fall on the writing, he frowns and leans towards Dean to whisper in his ear:

-“Too bad. Can't send nudes if it's your brothers...”

   Dean blushes a little, a lot of images appearing in his mind, but this time, he grins and winks to Cas.

-“Concentrate boys!”, Mr. Crowley says from the front of the room.

   They both look down, but as soon as the teacher focuses on something else, Dean leans towards Cas.

-“You’ll convince me to buy a phone just for you, if you keep saying that.”

   If Cas is surprised by his new behavior, he doesn’t show anything, but he just puts his hand on his chest as if he is too much filled with emotion. Which makes Dean laughs.

-“Alright boys, you've won. Both of you will write me a paper due this evening about chapters three and four from your books. In detention.”

   As soon as the teacher turns his head, Dean raises his eyes to Heaven. He is scared – at least not as much as Cas seems to be –, it’s not the first time in his life that he has been threatened by one of his teachers. And this one will probably forget by the end of the hour and a half. But it’s enough for Cas not to talk again to Dean until the lesson is over.

-“I can take care of everything if you’re busy, Dean”, Cas propose at the end of it.

   But before Dean could even answer, the teacher is already shouting at them to come.

-“I want to see you both tonight after your lessons. You’ll come to this room and write me an essay -

-I can’t…”, Dean wants to explain, but the teacher doesn’t pay any attention to him.

-“ -and you’ll stay as long as you need to finish it.”, Crowley concludes, his voice full of threatening.

   Dean nods and grabs Cas’ arm by his forearm to drag him away. There is nothing to do against this asshole. It’s only when they are alone in a corridor that Dean talks again.

-“Can’t let you do this alone…

-But what about you? Don’t you have to go to your job?

-Usually, I have an hour to go from school to the garage… And I can’t call them to tell them I can’t work this evening because my father flew away. I need to keep up appearances, at least.”

   Dean winces and looks at Cas, waiting from him a mere word or contact to reassure him or to comfort him, like he is used to from Cas. But, it’s strange. After all these times, Cas still seems worried that his gesture could be rejected because of where they are, but no. Dean lets Cas grab his hand in his. So Cas comes closer to him and as no one ever come in this empty corridor, Cas drops his head on his shoulder.

   Intertwining their fingers, Dean can hear his heart pulse through his whole body.

   He can feel Cas’ nose on the skin of his throat, his lips on his collar bone. Kisses him. These kisses are soft, almost as if Cas doesn’t want to hurt Dean or bother him. He cranes his head back, eyes closed, already intoxicated by how Cas could make him feel with only kisses on his skin.

   His body is warm and as he lets out a little moan, Cas takes it as an invitation to come closer and his kisses become rougher, while Dean raises his hand under Cas’ shirt to rub against Cas’ smooth back and make him approach.

   How can he feel so needy?

   Dean switches their positions so quickly that Cas doesn’t immediately realize it. As Cas is now against the wall, Dean leans closer to Cas, biting his earlobe, playing with his teeth against Cas’ neck, and marking his tan skin with hickeys while his hands go down on Cas’ body, going under his jeans and underwear, to catch his ass.

-“Fuck Dean.” Cas whispers in Dean’s ear, moaning and breathless. 

   Blood rush south and Dean can’t resist to the need for friction against his cock. He hesitates a few seconds about should he or not rutting against Cas’ visible erection, knowing they would both feel good. But before he can come up with a solution, Cas takes control over the situation and grabs his belt to make him come closer while he throws his hips forward.

   The sensation is amazing. So good that Dean could swear he has never felt this good before. He lets Cas rutting against him, rougher and rougher against the thick fabric of their jeans. Dean’s head is resting on Cas’ shoulder as he switches their positions again so it’s easier for him to please both of them. His head is empty. He can’t think of anything, barely focusing on Cas’ warm body touching him, rutting their cocks together, only hearing Cas’ and his moans mixed together and feeling Cas’ breath on his ear.

   Cas raises his head, looks somewhere Dean doesn’t care yet. It can’t stop now, not when it feels so good, not when his hands are already firmly tight on the fabric of his shirt, ready to take it off of him as soon as he can.

   But Cas doesn’t the opposite and step back, still looking somewhere else, when Dean realizes they’re still at school. When he turns his head to follow the direction of Cas’ gaze.

   Charlie is standing still, in the middle of the corridor, looking at them with confused eyes.

-“Guys! We’re at school!”

   She pauses to come closer to them. Dean slides against the wall to sit down. He is totally breathless, vaguely looking at Cas or closing his eyes to calm down.

-“Chemistry already has started. We were worried about you.

-We?” Dean asks before Cas could ask his own question. Even if he is still out of breath, Charlie manages to understand him.

   He doesn't feel ashamed, but regretful about having to give up Cas and these sensations.

-“Yes, we! Your girlfriend Lisa, remember?”

   The first thing he does is to look at Cas. He is motionless, quiet, turned to face the entrance of the corridor where Charlie has come.

-“Hey…” he calls Cas who is standing two feet away from him.

   Cas seems to wake up from a dream when he starts as Dean is calling him. He hesitates for a second before walking towards Dean and sits next to him.

-“We’re coming, Charlie.”, Cas says softly to her.

   She nods, unsure about what to do at first, but then she steps back and walks towards the chemistry laboratory.

-“I…” Cas starts saying, but when Dean raises his head to look at him, their eyes meet, and it helps him to keep going. “I can’t tell you what to do…”

-“I’ll talk to her, Cas.” Dean interrupts him. “She’ll understand.” He adds more for himself than for Cas, more to reassure himself than Cas.

   But a voice in his mind whispers that whatever her reaction will be, he will always choose Cas.

   Because he’s sure Castiel is the best thing that has ever happened to him. Because he is willing to give up almost everything he has just to be with Cas. Because he is really falling in love with this man and he wants to try everything Cas is willing to give him.

-“Hmm… We… Should go?”, Dean asks, facing Cas who nods, a small smile on his lips.


	6. Disappointment, break up and water

   The chemistry lesson – at which they arrived about fifteen minutes lates – is very strange. Even if Dean has planned to talk to Lisa as early as possible, he had forgotten Castiel has to team up with Lisa. So it’s very Strange to see his future ex working innocently with his… friend? Boyfriend? Lover?

   He hasn’t really thought of it, focusing too much on his own growing feelings, but maybe Cas doesn’t have the same motivations as him… Maybe he just plans to have sex with him for his own pleasure until he is tired of Dean or that Dean has to move out. Maybe Dean would.

   Well “new” … “New” isn’t the best word. Yes, it’s the first time he is really questioning himself, but to be honest with himself, he must agree that he already had a few crushes for boys – eyes sliding to see some while he was with his girlfriend, blushing cheeks, dreams…

   Maybe Dean would come out of this story even more wounded than he is now, both for being betrayed and used by Cas, but also for discovering the new part of him.

   He is awakened from his thoughts by a snap of the fingers just in front of his eyes, quickly followed by an angry look from Charlie.

-“Wake up, Dean!”

   He leans towards what she was doing a minute before, trying is best to focus on every explanation Charlie gives him this time, but also trying his best to look interested in it.

-“You’re devouring him with your eyes”, she announces after a chuckle.

   Dean turns his eyes to look at her, noticing that once again, he was looking at him working with Lisa – who looks almost as bored as he is.

-“Not so loud!”

   She laughs louder without paying attention to it, nor by every close student who are suddenly more focused on them than their work.

-“I could give you some pieces of advice… What he likes… What he doesn’t like…

-No, thank you.”

   She pauses, biting her lips, but the need to tease him is stronger.

-“Are you going to ask him out to the dance?

-For Fuck’s sack, Charlie! I’m still with Lisa. For now.”

   She can’t help smiling even if she tries not to, waiting for whatever Dean could say.

-“Okay. Do you… You know him for a long time, right?

-Yes, Sherlock.

-Do you think he is… serious?

-Oh, of course not, Dean! You see, Castiel is the type of guy who uses you until he can…

-Charlie!

-Ah! See! Even you, you don’t bite. Of course, he is serious, Dean.”

   Dean frowns. It wasn’t a good idea to ask her any questions, not a good idea at all. First, she could repeat everything to him, or Cas could have told her things about them and their Relationship – if Relationship there was. Even if a part of him is whispering him it is not logic, he can’t help fearing his own crisis and how Cas – and Charlie – could fool him.

   One hour earlier, in this corridor where Cas could have done everything he wanted to do to him if Charlie hadn’t shown up, he would have agreed. Dean would have said yes to everything Cas would have done, would have asked. And it’s not reasonable. The flashback of the small moment of pleasure he has shared with Cas hit his brain.

   He is such an idiot.

   How could he say no when he is feeling so much pleasure? When Cas looks so confident? ~~When he finally achieves to do something he truly wants?~~

-“It’s the same for you.”, Charlie ads while he is still lost in his thoughts.

   He meets her eyes, waiting for what comes next.

-“He… I don’t know if I should tell you that…”, she stutters, looking for the good words to use. “He is different with you. It must be hard for you to imagine that, but Cas has never been in… so close to Meg, nor to Hannah.

-Why did they break up?”, he hesitates but finally asks.

-“Hmmm… Well, Meg is Meg. About Hannah, it’s a little more complicated. You should ask him…”

   She shuts her mouth, not saying anything more. Anyway, Dean isn’t willing to ask more to her about him.

-“By the way, is the magnificent bruise on his jaw because of you?”

   Instinctively, Dean looks at Castiel to observe his bruise. It has turned in different shades of colors – purple, black, dark blue – and it could be beautiful if it wasn’t on Cas’ face, or because of him. It’s still big, the cold snow didn’t work well but it’s not a surprise.

   He is about to answer but thinks of it a few seconds: if Charlie is asking him about the bruise, it means she doesn’t know about what happened. And it also means that Castiel hasn’t said anything, as promised.

-“Yes”, Dean admits, “and it hasn’t been done on purpose.

-I hope so!”, she pauses to look at Cas, who is nodding at her in response. “Fine. We’re done, they are too. We can leave sooner. Pick up your thing, handsome.”

   Dean chuckles at her attitude, packing and cleaning their mess. It’s when he is almost done that he feels a hand resting on his hips. The little gesture is discreet, so Dean doesn’t mind it, quite the contrary. He leans a little bit towards the hand and closer to the other’s body.

   He can’t help grinning, and when he raises his head, his smile fades away and lets its place on Dean’s face for confusion. It’s not Castiel. It’s Lisa. And saying he is disappointed would be the euphemism of the year.

   He looks around, searching him among the other students. Castiel is there, biting his lip, eyes lock on Lisa’s hand, listening to Charlie.

   Dean flees away from the touch, grabbing his bag and reaching Charlie and Castiel on the front door.

   All four of them go out of the laboratory – Charlie giving the teacher their assignment.

-“Are we going to the lunchroom? I’m starving!”, Lisa says as she grabs his arm to walk closer to him.

   Without noticing, Dean gives a look at Cas, but he and Charlie are already walking in front of them, not paying attention to them.

-“Are we heading the lunchroom?” asks Lisa, “I am starving.”

   Dean walks slower to widen the gap between them and the two others. He needs time and loneliness with her to think better of what he could tell her. Yet, when they reach the lunchroom, Dean has said nothing, and Lisa has told her about her first lesson of the day and what she is planning to do during the weekend.

   And it gets worst when Charlie come again to meet them to invite them at their table. But this time, he turns the offer down before Lisa could say anything. She doesn’t mind it and follows Dean as he guides her to their usual table.

   As he walks, he can feel Cas’ gaze on him, which reassure him as much as it scares him. What if he fails? He never has broken up with someone before. It’s new and strange to him. When he starts a relationship with a girl, they both agree from the beginning that it will not last and that someday, he will just disappear because his father has decided to move out.

   So it’s a first for him, but maybe not for her.

   He tries his best to clear his head, to focus on the truth and just tell her. _Hey Lisa, by the way, it appears that I want to fuck with one of your friends. Goodbye_. Okay, maybe not like that.

-“Have I ever talked to you about Anna ?! ‘Cause…”

   It’s now or never. They’re alone, and letting her talk during the whole meal would make things harder.

-“Lisa… We need to talk…”, he interrupts her.

   These words make him grind his teeth, and as Lisa suddenly freezes, he closes his eyes a few seconds.

-“When are you leaving?”, she asks in a calm voice.

   Dean slowly opens his eyes to meet Lisas. She doesn’t seem to be angry, but… Disappointed? Which is Strange to Dean. He doesn’t think he can have so much effect on people. After all, he is just a passerby. Someone people will forget as soon as he is out of town. Someone people never take the time to know better.

   As he doesn’t answer, Lisa is about to repeat her question, but Dean interrupts her once again. The longer this conversation will last, the harder it will be for him, or for her, or for both of them.

-“I’m not leaving.

-So this is just a break up…”, she announces as if she is speaking about the weather. “Can I know why?”

   Dean clears his throat, feeling uncomfortable as time goes.

   Things could be easier. He could just say it’s her fault. Or he doesn’t want to be with her. That he doesn’t like her enough to be with her longer…

   But it wouldn’t be true. He likes her. More than a lot of girls he has been with. ~~But less than Castiel.~~

   But seeing he doesn’t answer right after and there is guilt on his face, Lisa nods as she understands.

-“You’ve met someone.”

   Dean raises his eyes, meaning she is right.

-“Who?”, she asks in a murmur.

-“Lisa…

-I can know who it is, at least.”

   Dean takes a deep breath. Instead of saying his name, he looks in the direction of his gaze.

   Castiel has switched his chair with Charlies to have a better look at Dean like he is cheering him. Lisa turns over on her chair to follow the direction of his gaze. It’s not difficult to guess who he could be looking at because there are only a few people on the lunchroom. Yet, seeing all the faces she recognizes, she doesn’t find and face turn again with a confused look on her face.

Dean hardly swallows and so, when she turns again, she seems to look at the crowd with a new point of view. If Dean has this kind of look, a mix of guilt and fear, then it means he is not breaking up for some random girls. It’s deeper.

   Anna? No, impossible. That doesn’t make sense. He would have told her.

   Charlie? Why not? But even if he has an unrequited love for her, it doesn’t explain totally why he would break up with her.

   Meg? No. Cassie? No. Annael? No.

   She is about to turn again to face Dean, but her eyes finally fall on him. And suddenly, it hits her. Castiel, who is looking at them, and Dean, looking back at him. It makes so much sense. It also explains why they have spent so much time together for a few days. And it also explains why Castiel has asked him a few questions about Dean…

-“Oh”, is all she manages to say.

   Dean nods, not knowing how to react.

-“He… He is amazing… and even if it’s just once in my like, I… Just want to be with him.”, he stutters, feeling ashamed by how stupid he must sound.

-“I want him. He… I… It’s…”

   She nods, a poor smile on her lips.

-“Well, we already knew from the beginning that this Relationship wouldn’t last long…”

   She stands up, drops a last kiss on his forehead, and grabs her [plateau] before leaving him.

   He closes his eyes and covers his head with his hands before sighing loudly. It was simple. It was, even if now, he is feeling empty and tired. He has just left his safety net, and he is about to take the plunge.

-“Dean?”, he hears his name being called. “Come with us.”

   This time, when Dean raises his head, it is Castiel’s face he sees. Cas rubs his hand on Dean’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

-“Are you okay?

-I don’t know.”, he pauses as Castiel sits next to him.

-“It's like there is something wrong.”

   By seeing him out of the corner of his eye, he does not really realize what Castiel is doing until his head is wet.

-“Better?

-Did you just throw my glass of water in my face?!”, he says, bored.

-“Maybe.”, Cas replies with a wide smile on his face that makes Dean either want to make the smile disappear or to kiss him.

   Maybe more kiss him.

-“I hate you right now.

-We both know it is a lie.”, he whispers as his smile grow bigger, “Come with us, Dean.”, he repeats again and this time, Dean follows him, both not paying attention to what Cas has said first.


	7. Sometimes, find a new home requires to change

   As he is walking in the corridors to go to Mr. Crowley’s classroom, Dean hesitates a lot of time to run away from school and go to work. It’s not like he isn’t ready to assume all consequences – about the teacher as much as Castiel. Well, he is pretty sure Cas would forgive him and understand…. But the risk would cost too much to be taken.

   And he also thinks about Cas’ consequences because Mr. Crowley would ask him about Dean’s absence – and why not keep him longer in detention. He is sure Cas is already in the class, waiting for him. He has to show up. As he rests his hand on the handle of the door, he takes a deep breath, anxious about what will happen next or will not happen.

   He passes the threshold of the door and is immediately welcomed by a grave voice.

-“He isn’t there yet”, Cas announces, raising his head to meet his eyes.

   Castiel is sitting on the same table as a few hours ago. Dean comes closer to him, discovering little by little that Cas is writing something. Actually, the sheets of paper are almost fully written because Cas has been writing page after page. It’s only when he is close enough that he finds out that Castiel is doing their history homework. Dean remains speechless, knowing he should thank Castiel but he can’t say a word.

   He drops his hand on Cas’ shoulder and sits down his chair.

-“It’s your turn to write either way the teacher will say I did it alone.”

   Cas slides the sheet towards Dean who looks at him with confusion.

-“Cas. You did it alone.”

   Castiel raises his head as he was searching for another pen for Dean in his pencil case.

-“I can’t… It’s your work, not our…”, Dean stutters, trying to make Cas understand what he means.

-“Shut up and write if you want to be on time.”

   Dean is still looking when Cas goes back to his pencil case, finally finding a different pen from his for Dean. And seeing him like that, all anxious and stressed to do his best, Dean can’t help smiling. ~~God, what he could do to this man to make him happy as Cas much as Cas can make him happy and proud and important and maybe even loved.~~

-“Before we start, I want to ask you something… Are you going to the party, tomorrow?”

   “The party”… Of course he heard of it. Lisa was harping on about this party at Benny’s house for days, maybe weeks. Dean didn’t really think of going there, but as Lisa wanted, he has planned to go with her.

   And now they had broken up…

-“Are you going?

-I think so. Charlie wants to go with me, and I was kind of hoping you would show up…”

   Dean meets Cas’ eyes. It is so rare to see him so… uncertain.

-“Or we could go together?

-Honestly, I don’t know Cas. Going to a party where you don’t know anyone… I feel like an intruder.

-I don’t want to be rude, Dean, trust me, but how can you expect not to be an intruder if you don’t do anything to be in your proper place here? I watched you, weeks after weeks, since you came to that school, Dean. You haven’t done anything to feel good. And if I understood well, everything you’re doing in this town is what you’ve been doing for years since you start moving out from town to town.”

   Dean tries to be discreet by taking a deep breath. Everything Cas said is true, and Dean perfectly knows it. But then, what should he do to change things?

-“Good things do happen, Dean.”, Cas adds, a poor smile on his lips.

   Cas begins to dictate to Dean what he should write but there isn’t much left to do. Sometimes, Dean notices something in the book that Cas has forgotten, but he doesn’t say much. Hearing his voice telling him what to write is a perfect remedy for not letting his mind imagining things between them.

   Eventually, the teacher finally shows up twenty minutes later. He drops his bag noisily on the desk, casts a glance at them to make sure they are working, and he sits down, pulling out a big pile of copy from his bag in order to correct them.

   Cas doesn’t stop dictate to Dean, but his voice his now a whisper and Dean has to come closer to him to hear him. He doesn’t know, though, if it’s just a way to hear what he says better, or just to have the pleasure to feel Cas’ breath against his skin.

   As minutes keep passing, Dean’s leg starts to shake because of his stress. He has to be at work on time. The moment Cas’ warm touch on his thigh that he becomes motionless. He fully knows what’s going on, what is happening. And maybe he should tell Cas to stop or to hit him with his own hand a little, but it feels so good. And Cas notices it. He presses his hand more and rubs his thumb against Dean’s jeans and thigh.

   It is more and more difficult to concentrate on what Cas is saying because of his grave voice in his ear, because of his warm breath against his skin, or because of Cas’ hand rubbing higher and higher on his thigh; he doesn’t know, but Cas seems to notice it and to have fun. Ultimately, Cas takes the pen back and is the one to write, a gorgeous smile on his face.

   Dean would love to do the same to Cas, if he wasn’t too scared the teacher might see them ~~and spread rumors.~~

   When he turns his face towards Cas to ~~admire him~~ look at him. He is stunning by how he can be beautiful with his blue eyes, his black hair, and his concentrate face. It’s the first time he notices it, but when Cas is thinking of something – really thinking of it –, his head tilts on the left by instinct. He likes it. Just like he likes to watch Cas’ eyebrows frown because of the concentration. These little details make Dean smile and his heart warm him up.

   He bites his lower lip and slowly drops his hand against Cas’. Cas grins and Dean rests his head on his own other hands, his elbow on the table. He could almost forget about his job, but Cas casts a glance at his watch and he nods. If Dean doesn’t understand what this reaction is about, he doesn’t say anything.

   They are interrupted by the ring of a phone. Both of them, they raise their head and their eyes immediately fall on the teacher’s phone resting on the desk. Mr. Crowley, knowing his students are looking at him, expecting something, looks at his phone. His reaction makes Dean bites his lip in order not to laugh. The teacher turns red suddenly, his eyes widen, and when he meets his students’ eyes, he clears his throat, uncomfortable.

-“Alright”, he manages to say after a few seconds. “This work is due Monday. No lateness.”

   Cas and Dean turn their head to look at each other, not knowing what they should do next.

-“Out, boys!”

   Castiel is the first one to react. He immediately stands up and catches his things to put them in his bag. Then, as Dean is still looking both at him and Crowley still looking at his phone, Cas grabs Dean’s hand and lead him to the exit of the room.

   Dean lets Cas guide him through the corridors of the school, only guessing they are heading the entrance of the school. It’s only when they are close to reaching it that Dean finally react.

-“What happened?” Dean asks Cas.

-“It’s a trick.” Cas starts to answer. “My brother, Gabriel gave me the idea as I called him.

-Cas? That doesn’t explain how we get out of this.”

   Cas winces but he stops walking and faces Dean.

-“Let’s say that I have a very good friend who knows a lot about technology –

-Charlie?” Dean interrupts him by asking.

-“…and maybe we plan to trick Crowley by using one of the rumors. We’re free, now.”

   Dean can’t help smiling and being proud to have Cas as a friend. His curiosity quickly supplants his anxiousness.

-“What rumor?”

   Dean notices Cas’ pout which lasts for a few seconds before disappearing. Maybe he is having too much fun, but his happiness is very contagious. 

-“Well… Crowley has a crush and Mrs. Mills.

-And?

-And it seems like she is finally saying yes to one of the dates he proposed her.”, he announces with a triumphant smile on his lips. “Okay, I know, not cool. Buuuut he isn’t cool either so…”

   They have reached the doors now, and Dean knows it’s time to say goodbye and rushes to go to the garage.

-“I started working on it since midday -

-By the way, thanks Cas. You’re the best.”

  Cas blushes a little to the compliment and his smile goes wider.

-“Maybe, but it’s not over yet…”, he starts saying before cleaning his throat. “What about we work on it this Sunday together? I work at the library tomorrow morning, and for you, it’s all day long, so if you’re free Sunday…?”

   Dean takes a few seconds to think about it. Yes, he wants to go to Cas’ house, of course. But then, what would they do? For one hour – maybe two – they would do their homework, but then? He isn’t stupid, and he knows Cas is thinking of the same thing.

-“Okay. Sunday afternoon? What the plan?

-Having you at my home –

\- – For work.

-Of course, what were you thinking about, Dean?”

   Dean chuckles before the fake confused face of Cas.

-“You know the address.”, he says before starting to head for his house. “Oh! Before I forget, if Sam wants to come too, tell him he can. Our brothers barely are the same age, they could have fun together while we are working.”

   Dean takes a step back and turns his head to force himself not to watch Cas going away. He still has about fifteen minutes before his work starts, which is perfect for him not to be late.


	8. You asked for a mechanic?

   When Dean comes back in the apartment, tired of his long day, there is still no clues that his father is here, or even that he came by today when Sam and he were at school. But there is Nothing. On the other hand, he is surprised to see his brother cooking.

-“What are you doing?”, Dean asks, hesitant. 

-“Bacon. I know you like those.

-Yes, I can see that. But what is this?”, he asks as he grabs salad.

-“It’s for me. You’ve got French fries in the microwave. Eating healthily is a very good way to live. You feel better.

-Yeah, yeah. I know…”

   He says in order to interrupt his brother. He already knows what Sam will say to him. Each time Dean can eat something unhealthy, his brother is always near, judging him in silence, he and his salad.

-“I’m meeting a friend of mine, tomorrow. Want to come with me? It’s at the Novaks. Huh… Cas’ brother is almost your age. Or… Or I guess you could stay here or meet your own friends…”

   He sounds so stupid saying things like that. How could he even imagine his brother would have come with him.

-“Why not? This town is so boring…

   Dean is about to eat a French fry, but hearing his brother say that makes him pause.

-“You don’t like it?

-No, not really.

-Thought you had a few close friends, here?

-I wouldn’t say friends… They are more… an acquaintance.”

   Dean finally resumes eating, but slower than usual. Dean has always been popular at school but more because of his “I’m a bad boy”, “I am beautiful, and I know it” and “new in town” tattooed on his forehead. However, his brother has always been loved for his personality – his real personality. And everywhere they could have gone, he always had friends. Well, that’s what Dean thought.

-“It’s the same thing each time, Dean.” Sam says. “We’re leaving soon, dad always does that. When he leaves us like that, he always comes back and tells us we’re moving out. You know it, I know it, dad knows it. He will never tell us things so explicitly, but he knows that we know. Why would we lose time being friends with people we’ll leave soon?”

   It breaks Dean’s heart more than it should. He knows his brother is right. When his father goes home, it’s a question of time until they move out. Except if Dean can do something against it.

-“I’m going to join a sports club.

-In the middle of the year? It’ll not change anything, you know.

-It’s not because you join a team that we will stay longer here.

-I know… I know but I need to try.”

   His brother chuckles, cleaning their empty plates to put them in the sink washer.

-“Why are you laughing?”

-Sorry, it’s just… Is she that amazing, Lisa?

-Watch the tv instead of telling bullshits.”

 

 

 

   The next morning, Dean arrives in the garage a few minutes early. He immediately starts to work. He needs to focus on something else, he is feeling way too nervous. Doing usual things, working with his hands, analyzing a car to fix it, it helps him.

   Dean always thinks of it, but for a little town, it’s amazing to have so many cars to fix.

   Time passes and he keeps fixing cars, sometimes stopping to greet his colleagues who arrive and leave the garage or to help and welcome different customers who all have different problems with their car. His boss has to force him to have breaks to prevent him from overworking.

   But he hates it. He can’t stop feeling nervous about whether Cas is coming or not. He wants to see him, wants to talk to him.

   The rock music echoes through every speaker in the garage and Dean has fun humming the lyrics of each song he knows.

   It’s only when he feels a hand on his shoulder that his heart skips a beat. Dean turns, keeping in mind it could be Cas as much as it could be his boss.

-“Enjoying the music?”

   A huge smile on his lips, Dean notices with more happiness that he would have guessed, that he is enjoying to finally see him. He casts a glance at the garage, looking for an unknown customer who could be Cas’ father, but he is quickly interrupted by him.

-“My father is here too. He is talking to your boss, in his office. I should have come with me, but you seemed to have so much fun moving your ass in rhythm…”

   Dean smiles, now used to Cas’ remarks. ~~Enjoying Cas’ remarks. Wanting to lean towards him to kiss him as a hello.~~

-“Where is your car?

-On the parking lot, outside the garage.”, Cas replies, and Dean enjoys the quick glance Cas throws at him, checking how good he can look with his mechanic clothes.

   Dean nods, looking quickly at the office and seeing through the window two figures. He turns over to keep on fixing the car. If he finishes it quickly, maybe he’ll be able to work on Cas’ car.

   He keeps working, knowing that Cas is looking at every move he can do, not daring to ask questions, but Dean explains what he is doing anyway. He is almost done when he seeks for oil, and then the car is fixed. It took a little more than two hours because Dean explained everything, sometimes letting Cas taking time to observe things, but Cas’ father is still not there.

   There wasn’t so much to do about the car. As usual, he closes the hood to hide the engine in a little metallic slam, as if to tell him he is done. He grabs the dish towel hung from his belt, he cleans his hands.

-“I’m heading the park, a voice he has never heard say. How long do you think it’ll take?”

   Dean’s eyes fall on a man, a strange man, who is also looking at him. It takes him a few seconds to understand it’s Cas’ father and he is talking to him – well, at least for the second part.

-“Two hours must be good”, his boss answers faster than Dean.

   But he is glad he did it because his father mustn’t be well aware of where he is or what he is doing as Dean can’t have seen the car yet.

-“Dean”, he hears him being called at as he rubs his forearm on his forehead to try his best to remove his sweat. “If you’re done with this car, you take care of Mr. Shurley’s one as soon as the tow truck parked it on the garage. Now have a break, kid.”

   His father looks at him in a weird way, as if they are exchanging a secret with their eyes only. He can’t really observe Cas’ reaction and it’s only when both his boss and Cas’ father are walking away that Dean faces Cas, a confused look on his face.

   Dean hates being called “kid” but he barely notices it as he walks towards the restroom, followed by Castiel.

-“He is working, that’s why he is acting so strange.”

   Dean looks at him, confused, waiting for Cas to tell him more.

-“My father is a writer.”

   Dean nods as he realizes that he is alone with Cas in his own world. Not in the neutral space which is school, not in the library or the park which are both Cas’ worlds. No, this time, they are in Dean’s space.

-“Coffee?”

   Cas agrees and follows Dean until they are in the restroom. There is only one man in it, a certain Bobby Singer with whom Dean feels at ease. At least, Bobby likes him better than he likes his father even if they are working together almost all weeks for a month.

-“A friend of you?” he asks with a growing grin as Castiel and Dean both nod. “Brought croissants on the way.”, he offers to them while pushing the bag of patisserie towards them.

   Dean invites Cas to sit on one of the chairs of the small table and then he starts preparing coffee for both of them. He doesn’t ask which one want Cas as there is only one possibility.

-"Ah, Castiel! Unusual to meet you here.

-Hello Bobby.

-How is Gabriel?"

   Cas’ smile goes wider as he answers.

-"Good. He came back from university yesterday. He was supposed to go in detention, but he flew away so he is hiding at home until tomorrow night, I guess.

-This kid! He’ll never change. He pauses the time to drink a sip from his cup of coffee while Dean is looking at them. Hope everything will be fine for your family, Castiel. I need to go back to work."

   He is about to pass the threshold when he says:

-"Same for you, Dean."

   Dean takes a deep breath. It’s unusual for him to talk about his family so clearly. He comes closer to the table with two cups of coffee – his own of the Flash which he gives to Cas and he takes his father’s own for himself.

-“I should have known you would know people here… For how long do you live here?

-Since I was born. And yes, it’s a small town so we all know each other.

-You’re never bored? Of living here, I mean?"

   Cas pauses to take the time to think of it. A real and serious answer.

-"I don’t know. I like this town but I guess I’ll need to move out if I want to go to University. But I guess somehow I’ll always come back here, in this little town of mine."

   He approaches the cup to his lips, winces slightly due to the heat of the drink, and then withdrawing them quickly to avoid burning his lips.

-"What do you want to do, for you future I mean?

-hum… I don’t know. Probably get a job as a mechanic.

-No University?

-I don’t think so…"

   Cas keeps his head down, observing everything his eyes can meet, both of his hands tightening his cup.

-“What is it?”

   Cas raises his head and meets Dean’s eyes. He doesn’t know what emotion he can have on his face, but it’s no good according to Cas’ reaction. And he takes a deep breath.

-"It’s stupid but… Let’s say that I’m kind of nervous about tomorrow. You know, you coming to my house… I’m both enjoying it and nervous about it –

-Cas.

-Because I know you’ll leave someday… But at the same time, I have so much hope –

-You’re scared."

  Cas nods, avoiding meeting Dean’s eyes. It’s strange for Dean to see Cas being so uncertain of himself. He isn’t scared of anything. He follows so easily what his heart desire. See him doubt so suddenly, it is both disconcerting, but also something reassuring.

   He doesn’t have to be perfect. He can doubt. And that’s something Dean has never allowed himself to do it. He doesn’t have the right to do a mistake.

   He doesn’t even notice he has closed his eyes. He only realizes it when he opens them again and finds Cas’ eyes immediately. Their little world for both only. The second after, his lips are on Cas’, kissing him, surprised by the strength of his own desire. He can feel Cas kissing him back, answering with the same enthusiasm, resting his hand on Dean’s neck to make him come closer.

   He has dreamt of it so many times, wanting it so much that he tastes Cas’ lips with an unhidden pleasure. And it tastes like something forbidden, something good, something hot. Something he doesn’t want to stop doing. It tastes like coffee, and it warms Dean’s heart. He raises his hands to cup Cas’ head, happy that Cas is kissing him back.

   When he finally leaves Cas’ mouth, he barely remembers where he is. He just focuses on Cas. His eyes more precisely. His amazing blue eyes can’t lie to him. But it’s his smile that he sees next, and then the bright smile he has.

   When their eyes meet, Cas can’t help but grin. Dean is about to kiss him again when the door open and the figure of his boss appears to bring him back. Dean immediately stands up, catching his half-full cup of coffee, emptying it in the washstand sink, and then walking towards Cas to grab his arm and his cup of coffee. They walk together to reach Cas’ car, now park in the garage.

   It’s only when they are close to it that Dean hands Cas his cup.

-“Can I keep talking or will I distract you?”

   He is about to answer a half-true response, but he stops. No, it’s better to be honest. If he can’t show Cas how much he wants him to be by his side, he can at least try to tell him… Well, that’s not the best idea he has ever had because he isn’t very comfortable about using words… But he has to try. He has to try everything to be able to be with Cas.

-“Your presence only distracts me, so yes, you can talk.”

   Dean answers but doesn’t dare to look at him, only focusing on which object to use to fix his car. Yet even if he doesn’t see him, he can hear his grave laugh.

   They talk about everything and nothing, the memory of the kiss still carved in his mind, the taste of it each time he licks his lips.

-“I’ll join a sports team at school. Any idea?

-Yes, many actually.”, he says as he is leaning against the car. Dean stops what he is doing to look at him, raising an eyebrow of interest. “Swimming is on top of the list.”

   Dean chuckles but Cas looks really serious.

-“Ok. Go for swimming.

-What’s all of a sudden with sport?”

   Dean shrugs his shoulders before talking and returns to his job.

-“If I want to stay here longer, I need to force my father to stay here. Maybe if I’m good enough in a sports team, my father will allow us to stay a little longer.”

   Dean turns over and casts a glance at the room. There isn’t anybody, it’s empty. He slides his hand on the car body until he reaches Cas’ hand in order to catch it. It’s the best he can do, but when Cas leans towards him, he doesn’t move. And when his lips are on Cas, when he forgets where he is, he kisses him back.

   Being next to Cas, it feels so good. It could even say it feels like… home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> I will not post a new chapter next week (thank you exams and homework...), so I see you again in two weeks.


	9. Good night Dean, but don't forget to wake up...

   The apartment is quiet. It’s probably for the better. He doesn’t want to see his father again, Sam is working in his bedroom, and life is peaceful. It doesn’t bother him to take care of his brother, it has never been a problem. Of course, he would have preferred he doesn’t have to do all of this. But even if it was strange, and he could feel how painful his father might feel. The loss of someone you love. He could understand it without him having lost people he loved, besides his mother.

   And yet…

   And yet, he feels something is hidden from him. Something he can’t reach from the beginning of the week, but it’s stronger right now.

   He is sitting on the couch when he hears his brother’s footsteps. It’s only when he raises his head from tv that he notices Sam wants to give him something.

-“Dean, someone sent us a message for you on the phone. It’s for you.”

   Dean grabs the phone his brother is already giving him. His heart beats faster. It can be his father. But what if he is right? No. That’s stupid. If it really was him, Sam would have read it… And Sam would have told him it was their dad. Then who… Oh!  He is sure it's Castiel, who else? But then, why would he want to contact him?  _No_. He must stop thinking about it, just read the text and then acts according to the message. He shouldn't bother for any wrong hope his imagination could give him.

   He doesn't bother to wait for his brother to step back, sure he would never read his own text. Yes. It's Cas. And Sam has already read it...

 

« Hello Dean's little brother. I'm Castiel. Need to talk to your brother, please. »

 

   Dean starts typing an answer, wishing his brother can’t see how tense he feels now, or even hears his heart beats.

 

« Hey Cas. It's Dean. What's wrong? »

 

Cas doesn't lose time to answer, Dean doesn't even have the time to look somewhere else. As if Cas had already written the message, ready to be sent.

 

« Coming at my house tonight? Thought we could go to the party together. I haven't told you, but my dad went to the garage today, and a beautiful mechanic fixed it. So we have a car to go to Benny's. »

 

   Dean smiles at the compliment. « Beautiful ». He has heard it a lot in his life, and from different people, but this time it really makes him happy. He is about to delete this message so his father and his brother would never find it, but he hesitates and finally keeps it. No one would dare reading his messages, not even his father.

 

« Alright. When do I come? »

 

« When can you? I'm totally free, just waiting for you. »

 

« OK. », he answers for now. He just needs a little time to make a mental list of what he needs to do but there aren't much. Cooking for Sam. Shower for him.

 

« I'm at your house in thirty minutes. »

 

« Still know the address? »

 

« Yes. »

 

   OK, maybe he needs a little more than just thirty minutes, but it should be alright. Making dinner for Sam, taking a shower, try to be pretty for a party. And then meeting Cas at his home.

 

«Oh! And you must go by the window. My father is not supposed to know someone is meeting me before the party. And Charlie comes to, but later. »

  
  
«Oh!  And you must go by the window.  My father is not supposed to know someone is meeting me before the party.  And Charlie comes to, but later.  »  
  
  
  
Dean doesn't bother answering.  What could he say?  That he is disappointed they will not be alone?  That he is Cas' secret to his father?  Well, this last one shouldn't count.  Cas is more Dean's little secret than the opposite...  And there’s something pleasant knowing he is a secret.  As their relationship is going, he knows it’s a question of time before they dare to call each other “boyfriend” in public.  But being in a secret relationship –  which they are, kindof, for weeks now -, knowing it’s just the two of them:  it’s something Dean likes.  
  
He rushes to cook something for his brother – only pasta – and then takes a shower, as quick as he can, not wanting to lose time when he could be with Cas.  
  
He walks towards Sam's and his room and makes a sign to his brother to tell him to put out his earbuds.  
  
- “Meeting Castiel tonight, we're heading at a party so I'm leaving now.  Don't do anything I would do, ok? ”  
  
Sam nods, not asking any questions, knowing Dean would never tell him much.  Or maybe he would.  But Sam isn't curious about it.  
  
  
  
« I'm leaving and giving back the phone to my brother. »  
  
  
  
This is the last message he sends to Cas.  Next time he’ll talk to him, they will be face to face.  It's probably because Dean is eager to meet Cas and see him again that Dean reaches his house faster than he would normally have.  There is no one outside, even though the night hasn't really fallen yet.  However, no human is here, there are just empty streets and more empty streets.  
  
His mind is constantly going elsewhere.  About Cas.  About what could happen if he goes to Cas’.  About what he felt when touching himself while taking a shower, about him letting his imagination run free.  And maybe it was a good idea doing so, imagining Cas touching him while jerking off in the shower, and Cas’ perfect lips around his hard cock, his tongue wrapped around Dean, then swallowing his come.  Fingering Cas to prepare him and then making love to him as he is still tight around him.  
  
Dean licks his lips as he keeps walking, a hard-on starting to grow in his pants.  Fuck.  He needs to forget about what happened if he wants to be able to reach Cas’ house by the window.  
  
One step.  His lessons on Monday.  Two steps.  Cas.  No. Three steps.  The food he prepared for Sam.  Four steps.  Cas.  Cas.  Cas.  Still Cas.  
  
Cas and his dark messy hair.  Cas and his blue eyes.  Cas and his smile.  Cas’ lips around his dick on his dreamed shower episode.  Cas and his ass, which he now notices he has cast a glance at it a lot –  but Cas had probably realized it even before Dean had.  Caswho seemed to always know how to react to Dean’s fears.  Cas who is careful and patient, and Dean on the other hand, who is daydreaming of him giving him a blow job and fucking him.  Right.  Good job, Dean, he congrats himself.  
  
He never really had any good sense of orientation, but he finds Cas' house like if he always knew where it was.  He can’t help slowing down as he walks closer to Cas.  
  
Flashbacks of the shower burst into his mind without him being able to stop them.  His hands in Cas’ hair.  Then both laying on a bed.  A nice one, not a cheap one from a pathetic motel.  No, a real hotel where they could be alone, doing what they want and not caring about the neighbors or their families for a night, maybe even night and day.  They would hug each other until one falls asleep, taking a bath together, Dean resting his back on Cas’ chest.  Cas lazily strokes him and kisses his neck.  
  


So romantic…  Why not add some champagne or wine and flower petals?!  So stupid.  Cas would make fun of him if he knew.  Dean shakes his head and grins.  Even he  doesn’t bite it.  Of course, Cas wouldn’t make of him of such things.  Ever.  
  


He didn’t pay attention to it last time he came, but Cas’ window is very close to the roof of the garage.  It will be easier to climb it and reach his window.  It’s the only one where the light is still on, and the window is still open besides how cold it is outside.

  
Skirting the garage, he manages to find garbage cans against the wall which allow him to climb on the roof.  He moves with agility as if he had done it hundreds of times when it’s the first time in his life that he climbs on a roof and tries to break into someone’s house.  He had never done that for any girl he has ever been with, but with Cas everything is different.  When he is on the roof, he walks a few meters until he reaches the closest wall to rely on it to have a better balance and he crouches so the neighbors are not alerted by the vision of a big dark figure on the roof of one of their neighbors.

 

   When he finally reaches Cas’ window, he is happy to see that heis in his room, working at his desk.  Dean hesitates to stay like this a little longer, but he feels way too much like a voyeur.  And anyway, the position is hurting him, and anyone could see him and call the police.  
  
He softly taps on the window panes.  Castiel takes time to react, haven’t heard him because of the music he is listening via his headphones.  Finally, after knocking a second time, Cas turns away from his copy and looks at the window.  Surprise.  Confusion.  Joy.  A smile splits his face in half.  He gets up quickly and opens the window wide so Dean can enter the room.  He hastens to close it so that the cold does not invade the room and close the curtains so curious eyes can’t see them.  
  
He leans towards Cas to catch his lips, kissing him carefully.  God, he could be damned just to stay like this with Cas.  
  
- “Hey.  
  
- Hello Dean. ”, Cas welcomes him.  
  
His hair is still a little wet, and his eyes are bright, full of happiness.  Dean would have never thought he would ever be able to make someone look like that.  As if Cas was in love with him and the awareness makes his heart skip a beat and he feels…  complete?  Yes, complete.  As if everything is making sense now.  
  
- “Hum…  Do you want to drink something?  Eat something? ”, Cas ads with a suggestive tone: “ Hum, do something else? ”  
  
Dean chuckles and before he can answer, Cas is walking towards the door and opening it.  
  
- “Tea?  Do you want some? ”, he asks, facing Dean and as soon as he nods, Cas disappears in the corridor.  
  
It’s the first time Dean is in Cas’ room.  Or his house.  Or alone is his room.  
  
His eyes run on everything he can see.  His desk with a pile of books on it.  His bed with blue sheets and two bedside tables.  His chest of drawers and photos pinned on the wall right above it.  In a few steps, he has reached them.  Cas and his family –  Alfie, Gabriel, and Michael are here, even if he shouldn’t be able to recognize them, yet he can tell who is who.  There are other people in other photographs.  Charlie.  Another guy he has never met but knows his name his Kevin.  Lisa with him and other people.  
  
- “Looking at the photos?  
  
- Didn’t know you were in the same class as Lisa.  Who are the other people?  
  
- Old friends, new friends, family…  Don’t you have photographs too? ”  
  
Dean shakes his head.  He must have some pictures of his old life – when life was good and his mother was still alive – but no new since.  His mother had the habit to take pictures of significant events of their family life.  Dean could have followed his mother’s steps, but if he had taken a few pictures of his brother’s first birthdays, he quickly stopped because he didn’t want to have to see photographs of their sad life.  
  
He was desperate enough with what his life has become.  
  
- “Dean?  Are you fine? ”  
  
He is about to answer Cas, but what could he say?  There is nothing Cas already know without needing Dean to tell him.  All he can do is wince, trying to smile but the corners of his mouth won’t obey.  
  
He feels better when Cas leans toward him to hug him.  Dean likes how he feels when Cas do that.  He likes his touch.  He likes to see him and how handsome he is.  He likes his scent.  He likes his voice.  Hell, he even can say he likes how good the guy taste like.  Which is unbelievable for a guy like Dean, but this little rebellious act is slowly freeing him.  And he knows it’s not enough.  Far from enough.  
  
The way Cas is now kissing him is getting him addictive and intoxicated.  He will never be tired of kissing this guy, to be next to him.  He moans when Cas’ kisses get deeper.  Without really noticing, his hands catch Cas' shirt, ready to take it off him.  He makes Cas and himself walk to the bed, hands resting on his neck and hair.  
  
- When is Charlie supposed to come? ”, Dean asks as they hit the bed.  
  
- “If you let grab my phone, I can tell her not to come.”  
  
Dean chuckles and finds himself under Cas.  It's still not enough.  How could it ever be?  He lets his hands rest on Cas' bare chest, watching his body moves to get off the shirt Dean has tried to take off him.  
  
What am I doing, Dean thoughts, it’s not right.  Castiel is my…  best friend?  
  
But here, he is your lover… , a voice coming from nowhere answers him.  
  
And this little answer satisfies Dean.  
  
- “You're beautiful.”  
  
The words spilled out of his mouth, unable to stop them, but not surprised to know it's the truth, but surprised to say it out loud.  Cas smiles and the second after they're kissing again.  
  
- “You too, Dean”,  he whispers in his ear.  
  
He lets Cas kiss him slowly.  His lips.  His jawline.  His collar bone.  Fire growing on him as Cas kisses his body, sliding his hands to it to unbutton his belt and loses his pants.  
  
- “I shouldn’t be the only one to be naked.  
  
- Be a little more patient, Dean. ”  
  
Cas keeps leaving kisses and hickeys on Dean’s skin, who is still laying on Cas’ bed.  He closes his eyes, focusing more on each touch from Cas.  His fingers, his hands, his lips, his nose.  Everything is perfect.  
  
It’s only when he doesn’t feel Cas anymore that he opens his eyes again, just to see him taking his clothes off.  Dean bites his lips without noticing it, which makes Cas grins.  He leans toward Dean, undressing Dean from his boxers, and lays on top of him.  Dean holds him close, letting Cas to take care of them both.  He aligns their hips and grabs their dicks.  Dean shivers and moves his hips faster to get more friction, feeling more and more in need of Cas.  
  
- “You know, if we don’t stop now…” , he hears Cas husky voice say  
  
- “Don’t stop, Cas.  Just…  Don’t.  It’s too good. ”  
  
There is only one way it ends, Dean knows it, but the feeling, the intimacy he shares with Cas is so intense and…  unbelievable?  Dean doesn’t have the time to think of it when a moan escapes from both Cas and his mouths.  It’s probably just because a guy is touching him, just because a guy undressed him and he is about to make love to one.  He is about to make love to Castiel.  
  
He feels like his skin is burning.  He pushes Cas on his right side, going on top of him, quickly grabbing their dicks again.  
  
Cas’ hands reach Dean’s ass and start grabbing it until he caresses Dean’s entrance.  He doesn’t, but the look he shares with Dean is enough to give his agreement.  Cas smiles and presses a soft kiss on Dean’s lips before catching the bottle of lube and another one of condoms.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The night already has fallen for less than thirty minutes before Dean notices it, laying in Cas’ arms.  
  
- “We should get dressed, Cas.”  
  
  
  
- “Why?  Do you want to leave?  
  
  
  
- What?  No. But Charlie is supposed to come…  
  
  
  
- No, Dean.  It’s just us tonight.  
  
  
  
- But you said…  Earlier…  Alright, give me your phone.  
  
  
  
Cas frowns but agrees.  With his fingertips, he man ages to slide his phone laying on his bedside table in order to grab it and to give it to Dean.  Dean rushes to read their conversation but it’s different.

 

  
  
« I'm at your house in thirty minutes. »  
  
  
  
«Still know the address? »  
  
  
  
«Yes. »  
  
  
  
« Oh !  And you must go by the window.  It’s way more romantic.  I love it when you are being romantic.  »  
  


 

There must be a mistake.  He must have read it wrong the first time, to impatient and nervous about his night with Cas.  
  
His night with Cas…  They just had sex…  And it was amazing.  It feels like it's a dream.  The way they touched each other's skin, the way their mouth had shared wet kisses, the way Cas' taste.  Dean can hear he hear pumping through his ears, he can hear it beats faster and faster on his chest by remembering what happened.  
  
Heturns his head toward Cas andhechuckles.  Castiel is sleeping next to him, his head resting on his Dean's arm.  He looks beautiful like that.  His face is relaxed, it's unusual.  
  
And Cas the fact that he is sleeping sounds strange to Dean now.  It's...  unusual?  No, this isn't enough.  No. Dean's heart beats faster with the urge to wake Cas up.  But he doesn't do anything.  Why would he?  Cas is just sleeping, there is nothing wrong about it...  Then why can't he help staring at him like a doctor is examining his patient.  
  
  
  
Cas is sleeping...  
  
  
  
  
  
Cas is sleeping...  
  
  
  
  
  
Cas shouldn't sleep...  
  
  
  
Why?  It's so stupid.  He really needs to forget about this.  He lays on the bed, resting his head on the pillow, can't help looking at him.  
  
  
  
Cas shouldn't be sleeping...  
  
  
  
  
  
He shouldn't be because he is an angel.  
  
  
  
And angels don't sleep.  
  
  
  
A djinn.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
For almost thirty minutes, Dean doesn’t move, still in the bed, next to Cas.  Okay.  He should wake up.  He must protect Sam and Cas –  the real one.  
  
After Chuck did his whole damn plan by trapping them in the cemetery, the three of them had to run away.  Dean must have been caught by a djinn somewhere outside the cemetery, and maybe Sam and Cas were in danger too.  Even if he hopes they are fine, the risk is still there.  
  
But this world…  
  
But this world is like a gift.  Charlie, Lisa, even Crowley…  They are here, in this dream.  He is finally with Castiel – something that wouldn’t happen in his real life – and yes, his father is the dick he used to be, and his mother is still dead, at least Sam is fine.  And with Cas…  Hell!  He gets to have him, to share his feelings, to have Cas confessing to him.  He can’t just let that go.  All the happiness he is living with Cas by his side;  how is he supposed to give all that up.  
  
Yet, he is a hunter.  A djinn is slowly killing him by giving him a small paradise.  He has to leave.  And is he doing it quickly, maybe it’ll hurt less…  
  
He comes closer to Cas, letting his fingertips run on Cas’ skin, from his back to his shoulder, dropping a few kisses on it until Cas opens his eyes.  
  
- “Hey”, he manages to say with a sleepy voice.  
  
- “Hey Cas.  I’m sorry but I…  I need to go-  
  
- Now? ”  
  
He rubs his eyes to get the sleep out of eyes and then sits up on the bed.  When he is done, he looks at Dean, confusion on his face.  
  
- “Yes.  Now.  It’s not…  against you, Cas.  Trust me.  But Sam and the real you, they need me…  
  
- I don’t understand-  
  
- I know. ”  
  
He takes a deep breath.  It’s heartbreaking to watch Castiel doing such a face.  But if he doesn’t wake up, he will soon be dead.  And he has to take care of his brother.  He has to take care of Castiel, even if it’s not the way he wants to.  
  
Cas is about to speak when Dean presses a kiss against his lips to prevent him from talking.  
  
- I love you so much, Castiel.  You’re not just family, you’re my best friend and the one I love.  I just…  I just can’t leave without you -  
  
- I don’t understand, Dean -  
  
- And that’s why I have to wake up.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There is no sound around him.  No cars, no electric sounds, nothing civilised.  Of course.  No smart djinn would kill someone when anyone could find them.  The only sound he hears is metallic and caused by his hands.  He is tied up on a chair in an empty and dirty room.  
  
Coming from nowhere, he hears a voice.  A deep voice.  A voice he’d always recognize and it makes him smile.  They found him, and Dean feels relieved for it.  Sam and Cas found him in what seems to be the middle of nowhere.  
  
- “… Dean! ”  
  
He can’t see clearly because of the long time he has spent closing them, yet he recognizes Cas touch immediately.  And a few seconds after, he hears Sam’s footsteps hitting the ground.  They both press their hands on Dean’s body to make sure he is okay until Cas finally presses his fingers on Dean’s forehead.  
  
The sensation is immediate as Cas touches him for both reasons:  what he did to Cas in the Djinn World and his guilt and shame;  but also his health which gets better as he recovers his sight and all his senses.  
  
- Are you alright?  What happened? ”, Sam asks when Cas heals him.  
  
- “I’m fine”,  he answers – which is a half lie –,  “Huh…  Thanks Cas.  How long have I been trapped?  What happened to both of you? ”  
  
Sam and Cas share an eloquent look before Sam announces he is looking for the car.  It takes a few seconds before Cas starts talking.  
  
- “When we run away, we all get separated.  Sam with demons, me with ghosts, and you with djinns.  Sam and I quickly found each other and we help.  I killed the demons more easily, and he took care of the ghosts-  
  
- Can’t deal with a ghost or two.  Thought I trained you as a hunter. ”  
  
He immediately regrets the words.  His voice was harsher than he wanted to and he winces as he sees Cas’ face getting colder.  
  
- “A ghost or two, yes.  But a group of ten, no.  And even with your so trained brother, it has been complicated and your help would have been welcomed.  But you were nowhere and we worried more and more.  
  
- So how…?  
  
- Rowena helped us.  
  
- Tracking spell”, Dean completes.  
  
- “Tracking spell, yes.  And we’re here now. ”  
  
They are almost at the door of the house now, but Sam isn’t there yet.  
  
- “Dean.  It’s been three days until we found you.  God influenced Rowena’s tracking spell so we couldn't find you earlier…  
  
For a few seconds, they both remain silent.  
  
It’s enough for Dean to feel how ashamed he really is.  He slept with his best friend in fairyland.  He betrayed his best friend, an angel.  This shit should have never happened.  
  
- “What have you seen?”  
  
Finally, Cas asks the question.  What can he answer to it?  “Oh, nothing:  school, kissing you, cooking, falling in love with you, even fucking you”.  No, definitely not, that’s a secret he has to keep for himself.  Ever.  
  
- “Nothing that matters.  Mum, dad, Sam, school…  It was strange and honestly, I just want to forget about what happened, Cas.  
  
- You’re doing exactly what you were doing when I brought you out of Hell, Dean.  Youkeepsayingyou’re okay andyouwant to move on but…  but we both know you’ll never forget and it will hunt you forever.   
  
- So what?  You want to force me telling you what happened in my magic and perfect world?!  ‘Cause it’s not happening, okay?  
  
- Dean.  
  
- No.  Everything that happened in Djinn World is not real, okay?  It’s just a…  a fantasy, which means it’ll never be true, Cas.  So why would I hurt myself telling you what my happiness might be if I perfectly know it’s just…  not real.  And it will never be. ”  
  
It hurts.  It hurts so much.  In his heart of course, but also his eyes filled with tears, his distorted mouth, in his throat because it burns like Hell.  
  
- “So I’m telling you I don’t want to talk about it, so we don’t talk about it.”  
  
He should have stayed there.  At least, he had Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written this chapter as I wanted to when I started this fic, and it's a sad ending. BUT, this doesn't mean I will never continue this fic (with a happy ending, at least a "better" ending). Still, I do hope you like this chapter.
> 
> I will not apologize for the sad ending (it seems very... logical (?) to me that Dean never learns from his mistake and his "oops, I should've have told him when he was alive), but I do apologize for the tags I've put at the beginning of the story, but never actually done it... I tried to force myself but it's just... not right.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hesitate to let me know what you think about this fic, it really helps me :D


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